Vincent Berg: Blog

Back to Vincent Berg's Blog

Health Issues: Update

Posted at

Some time ago, I mentioned (in an earlier blog) that I was having some health issues which were impacting my work (an inability to sleep, exhaustion and corresponding inability to focus).

Well, it's been almost a year (nine months) since this all started, but we're (my doc and I) are we're finally making headway.

I'd assumed my 'inability' to focus was the result of my exhaustion, but I was confusing cause with effect. It turns out I suddenly developed ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), which often accompanies my lifelong Asperger's (I'd always believed those were undiagnosed, rather than late-onset cases), and even after figuring out I needed to treat it, my shrink didn't want to treat it for fear or worsening my sleep issues.

Turns out, the ADD drug (at the very lowest possible dose), actually resolve my sleep issues, and now that we're finally slowly increasing the dosage, I'm able to see the effect the ADD has had on my writing.

For the past several months, I've been struggling with the sequel of my Not-Quite Human story, and my editor and I have been butting heads. I've already completely changed the ending twice, and I'm still unsure how I'm going to resolve the story, but I'm now able to see just how badly phrased much of my writing is and how badly thought-out the plot has been. In the past week, I've been busy 'rephrasing' chapters left and right.

The key is the ADD was interfering with my coping mechanisms for my Asperger's. So what's allowed me to produce so many incredibly-detailed stories is now broken, and I'm left floundering.

The good news is we're finally turning the corner, and I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. The bigger problem is, as usual, my doctor's 'first do no harm' philosophy translates to 'never resolve the patient's problem'. I've fought this same issue with a whole string of doctors over the years, and each time, after never getting better, I either tell them flat out I won't take as much medicine as they're prescribing, or in the case of my diabetes, I start adjusting my dosage on the fly, because my doctors is so timid my health is in danger (it's easier arguing my techniques are valid when I have the blood tests to prove they work, than arguing that the drs. assumptions are flawed). As often happens, the patient has to be responsible for his own health, as the doctors are more concerned with litigation than correcting disorders.

Thus, while things are improving, it's likely to be several more months, at least, before my writing will be back on track. Many of you have likely noticed my over-the-top rants on the SOL Forum, where many of my points, while valid, are incredibly badly phrased, which undermines my credibility (unfortunately, since I'm unable to write, I have trouble staying away from the endless discussion time-suck). That's the same thing that's happening with Building a Nest of Their Own. The underlying premise and plot are strong, but the way I'm presenting the story just isn't convincing because it's so badly phrased.

Long story short, despite only posting a single chapter per week for my currently posting story, it's looking doubtful I'll be able to publish the sequel this year. :( I'm hoping I can get it out by early 2019, as I'm hoping to have my medication resolved by then, but I'll have to see how long it takes to find the proper dosage, as it's much easier to stop taking too much medication than it is to self-medicate more than is prescribed. (Duh!) But, in the end, if I left my medication to my doctors, I likely wouldn't be in the shape I am today, and in the end, the doctors always seem happy with my results, even if they're too cautious to do anything about it themselves.

Anyway, that won't impact my currently posting story, Lost With Nothing to Lose, as that was written and fully edited long before these issues arose, and the final book will be completed before long, it's just that I don't trust my writing well enough to push my previous aggressive posting/publishing schedule.