Brain Twister
Chapter 6

Public Domain

The management of the Golden Palace had been in business for many long, dreary, profitable years, and each member of the staff thought he or she had seen just about everything there was to be seen. And those that were new felt an obligation to look as if they’d seen everything.

Therefore, when the entourage of Queen Elizabeth I strolled into the main salon, not a single eye was batted. Not a single gasp was heard.

Nevertheless, the staff kept a discreet eye on the crew. Drunks, rich men or Arabian millionaires were all familiar. But a group out of the Sixteenth Century was something else again.

Malone almost strutted, conscious of the sidelong glances the group was drawing. But it was obvious that Sir Thomas was the major attraction. Even if you could accept the idea of people in strange costumes, the sight of a living, breathing absolute duplicate of King Henry VIII was a little too much to take. It has been reported that two ladies named Jane, and one named Catherine, came down with sudden headaches and left the salon within five minutes of the group’s arrival.

Malone felt he knew, however, why he wasn’t drawing his full share of attention. He felt a little out of place.

The costume was one thing, and, to tell the truth, he was beginning to enjoy it. Even with the weight of the stuff, it was going to be a wrench to go back to single-breasted suits and plain white shirts. But he did feel that he should have been carrying a sword.

Instead, he had a .44 Magnum Colt snuggled beneath his left armpit.

Somehow, a .44 Magnum Colt didn’t seem as romantic as a sword. Malone pictured himself saying: “Take that, varlet.” Was varlet what you called them, he wondered. Maybe it was valet.

“Take that, valet,” he muttered. No, that sounded even worse. Oh, well, he could look it up later.

The truth was that he had been born in the wrong century. He could imagine himself at the Mermaid Tavern, hob-nobbing with Shakespeare and all the rest of them. He wondered if Richard Greene would be there. Then he wondered who Richard Greene was.

Behind Sir Kenneth, Sir Thomas Boyd strode, looking majestic, as if he were about to fling purses of gold to the citizenry. As a matter of fact, Malone thought, he was. They all were.

Purses of good old United States of America gold.

Behind Sir Thomas came Queen Elizabeth and her Lady-in-Waiting, Lady Barbara Wilson. They made a beautiful foursome.

“The roulette table,” Her Majesty said with dignity. “Precede me.”

They pushed their way through the crowd. Most of the customers were either excited enough, drunk enough, or both to see nothing in the least incongruous about a Royal Family of the Tudors invading the Golden Palace. Very few of them, as a matter of fact, seemed to notice the group.

They were roulette players. They noticed nothing but the table and the wheel. Malone wondered what they were thinking about, decided to ask Queen Elizabeth, and then decided against it. He felt it would make him nervous to know.

Her Majesty took a handful of chips.

The handful was worth, Malone knew, exactly five thousand dollars. That, he’d thought, ought to last them an evening, even in the Golden Palace. In the center of the strip, inside the city limits of Las Vegas itself, the five thousand would have lasted much longer--but Her Majesty wanted the Palace, and the Palace it was.

Malone began to smile. Since he couldn’t avoid the evening, he was determined to enjoy it. It was sort of fun, in its way, indulging a sweet harmless old lady. And there was nothing they could do until the next morning, anyhow.

His indulgent smile faded very suddenly.

Her Majesty plunked the entire handful of chips--five thousand dollars! Malone thought dazedly--onto the table. “Five thousand,” she said in clear, cool measured tones, “on number one.”

The croupier blinked only slightly. He bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.

Malone was briefly thankful, in the midst of his black horror, that he had called the management and told them that the Queen’s plays were backed by the United States Government. Her Majesty was going to get unlimited credit--and a good deal of awed and somewhat puzzled respect.

Malone watched the spin begin with mixed feelings. There was five thousand dollars riding on the little ball. But, after all, Her Majesty was a telepath. Did that mean anything?

He hadn’t decided by the time the wheel stopped, and by then he didn’t have to decide.

“Thirty-four,” the croupier said tonelessly. “Red, Even and High.”

He raked in the chips with a nonchalant air.

Malone felt as if he had swallowed his stomach. Boyd and Lady Barbara, standing nearby, had absolutely no expressions on their faces. Malone needed no telepath to tell him what they were thinking.

They were exactly the same as he was. They were incapable of thought.

But Her Majesty never batted an eyelash. “Come, Sir Kenneth,” she said. “Let’s go on to the poker tables.”

She swept out. Her entourage followed her, shambling a little, and blank-eyed. Malone was still thinking about the five thousand dollars. Oh, well, Burris had said to give the lady anything she wanted. But my God! he thought. Did she have to play for royal stakes?

“I am, after all, a Queen,” she whispered back to him.

Malone thought about the National Debt. He wondered if a million more or less would make any real difference. There would be questions asked in committees about it. He tried to imagine himself explaining the evening to a group of Congressmen. “Well, you see, gentlemen, there was this roulette wheel--”

He gave it up.

Then he wondered how much hotter the water was going to get, and he stopped thinking altogether in self-defense.

In the next room, there were scattered tables. At one, a poker game was in full swing. Only five were playing; one, by his white-tie-and- tails uniform, was easily recognizable as a house dealer. The other four were all men, one of them in full cowboy regalia. The Tudors descended upon them with great suddenness, and the house dealer looked up and almost lost his cigarette.

“We haven’t any money, Your Majesty,” Malone whispered.

She smiled up at him sweetly, and then drew him aside. “If you were a telepath,” she said, “how would you play poker?”

Malone thought about that for a minute, and then turned to look for Boyd. But Sir Thomas didn’t even have to be given instructions. “Another five hundred?” he said.

Her Majesty sniffed audibly. “Another five thousand,” she said regally.

Boyd looked Malonewards. Malone looked defeated.

Boyd turned with a small sigh and headed for the cashier’s booth. Three minutes later, he was back with a fat fistful of chips.

“Five grand?” Malone whispered to him.

“Ten,” Boyd said. “I know when to back a winner.”

Her Majesty went over to the table. The dealer had regained control, but looked up at them with a puzzled stare.

“You know,” the Queen said, with an obvious attempt to put the man at his ease, “I’ve always wanted to visit a gambling hall.”

“Sure, lady,” the dealer said. “Naturally.”

“May I sit down?”

The dealer looked at the group. “How about your friends?” he said cautiously.

The queen shook her head. “They would rather watch, I’m sure.”

For once Malone blessed the woman’s telepathic talent. He, Boyd and Barbara Wilson formed a kind of Guard of Honor around the chair which Her Majesty occupied. Boyd handed over the new pile of chips, and was favored with a royal smile.

“This is a poker game, ma’am,” the dealer said to her quietly.

“I know, I know,” Her Majesty said with a trace of testiness. “Roll ‘em.”

The dealer stared at her popeyed. Next to her, the gentleman in the cowboy outfit turned. “Ma’am, are you from around these parts?” he said.

“Oh, no,” the Queen said. “I’m from England.”

“England?” The cowboy looked puzzled. “You don’t seem to have any accent, ma’am,” he said at last.

“Certainly not,” the Queen said. “I’ve lost that; I’ve been over here a great many years.”

Malone hoped fervently that Her Majesty wouldn’t mention just how many years. He didn’t think he could stand it, and he was almost grateful for the cowboy’s nasal twang.

“Oil?” he said.

“Oh, no,” Her Majesty said. “The Government is providing this money.”

“The Government?”

“Certainly,” Her Majesty said. “The FBI, you know.”

There was a long silence.

At last, the dealer said: “Five-card draw your game, ma’am?”

“If you please,” Her Majesty said.

The dealer shrugged and, apparently, commended his soul to a gambler’s God. He passed the pasteboards around the table with the air of one who will have nothing more to do with the world.

Her Majesty picked up her hand.

“The ante’s ten, ma’am,” the dealer said softly.

Without looking, Her Majesty removed a ten-dollar chip from the pile before her and sent it spinning to the middle of the table.

The dealer opened his mouth, but said nothing. Malone, meanwhile, was peering over the Queen’s shoulder.

She held a pair of nines, a four, a three and a Jack.

The man to the left of the dealer announced glumly: “Can’t open.”

The next man grinned. “Open for twenty,” he said.

Malone closed his eyes. He heard the cowboy say: “I’m in,” and he opened his eyes again. The Queen was pushing two ten-dollar chips toward the center of the table.

The next man dropped, and the dealer looked round the table. “How many?”

The man who couldn’t open took three cards. The man who’d opened for twenty stood pat. Malone shuddered invisibly. That, he figured, meant a straight or better. And Queen Elizabeth Thompson was going in against at least a straight with a pair of nines, Jack high.

For the first time, it was borne in on Malone that being a telepath did not necessarily mean that you were a good poker player. Even if you knew what every other person at the table held, you could still make a whole lot of stupid mistakes.

He looked nervously at Queen Elizabeth, but her face was serene. Apparently she’d been following the thoughts of the poker players, and not concentrating on him at all. That was a relief. He felt, for the first time in days, as if he could think freely.

The cowboy said: “Two,” and took them. It was Her Majesty’s turn.

“I’ll take two,” she said, and threw away the three and four. It left her with the nine of spades and the nine of hearts, and the Jack of diamonds.

These were joined, in a matter of seconds, by two bright new cards: the six of clubs and the three of hearts.

Malone closed his eyes. Oh, well, he thought.

It was only thirty bucks down the drain. Practically nothing.

Of course Her Majesty dropped at once; knowing what the other players held, she knew she couldn’t beat them after the draw. But she did like to take long chances, Malone thought miserably. Imagine trying to fill a full house on one pair!

Slowly, as the minutes passed, the pile of chips before Her Majesty dwindled. Once Malone saw her win with two pair against a reckless man trying to fill a straight on the other side of the table. But whatever was going on, Her Majesty’s face was as calm as if she were asleep.

Malone’s worked overtime. If the Queen hadn’t been losing so obviously, the dealer might have mistaken the play of naked emotion across his visage for a series of particularly obvious signals.

An hour went by. Barbara left to find a ladies’ lounge where she could sit down and try to relax. Fascinated in a horrible sort of way, both Malone and Boyd stood, rooted to the spot, while hand after hand went by and the ten thousand dollars dwindled to half that, to a quarter, and even less...

Her Majesty, it seemed, was a damn poor poker player.

The ante had been raised by this time.

Her Majesty was losing one hundred dollars a hand, even before the betting began. But she showed not the slightest indication to stop.

“We’ve got to get up in the morning,” Malone announced to no one in particular, when he thought he couldn’t possibly stand another half- hour of the game.

“So we do,” Her Majesty said with a little regretful sigh. “Very well, then. Just one more hand.”

“It’s a shame to lose you,” the cowboy said to her, quite sincerely. He had been winning steadily ever since Her Majesty sat down, and Malone thought that the man should, by this time, be awfully grateful to the United States Government. Somehow, he doubted that this gratitude existed.

Malone wondered if she should be allowed to stay for one more hand. There was, he estimated, about two thousand dollars in front of her. Then he wondered how he was going to stop her.

The cards were dealt.

The first man said quietly: “Open for two hundred.”

Malone looked at the Queen’s hand. It contained the Ace, King, Queen and ten of clubs--and the seven of spades.

Oh, no. He thought. She couldn’t possibly be thinking of filling a flush.

He knew perfectly well that she was.

The second man said: “And raise two hundred.”

The Queen equably tossed (counting, Malone thought, the ante) five hundred into the pot.

The cowboy muttered to himself for a second, and finally shoved in his money.

“I think I’ll raise it another five hundred,” the Queen said calmly.

Malone wanted to die of shock.

Unfortunately, he remained alive and watching. He saw the last man, after some debate internal, shove a total of one thousand dollars into the pot.

“Cards?” said the dealer. The first man said: “One.”

It was too much to hope for, Malone thought. If that first man were trying to fill a straight or a flush, maybe he wouldn’t make it. And maybe something final would happen to all the other players. But that was the only way he could see for Her Majesty to win.

The card was dealt. The second man stood pat and Malone’s green tinge became obvious to the veriest dunce. The cowboy, on Her Majesty’s right, asked for a card, received it and sat back without a trace of expression.

The Queen said: “I’ll try one for size.” She’d picked up poker lingo, and the basic rules of the game, Malone realized, from the other players--or possibly from someone at the hospital itself, years ago.

He wished she’d picked up something less dangerous instead, like a love of big-game hunting, or stunt-flying.

But no. It had to be poker.

The Queen threw away her seven of spades, showing more sense than Malone had given her credit for at any time during the game. She let the other card fall and didn’t look at it.

She smiled up at Malone and Boyd. “Live dangerously,” she said gaily.

Malone gave her a hollow laugh.

The last man drew one card, too, and the betting began.

The Queen’s remaining thousand was gone before an eye could notice it. She turned to Boyd.

“Sir Thomas,” she said. “Another five thousand, please. At once.”

Boyd said nothing at all, but marched off. Malone noticed, however, that his step was neither as springy nor as confident as it had been before. For himself, Malone was sure that he could not walk at all.

Maybe, he thought hopefully, the floor would open up and swallow them all. He tried to imagine explaining the loss of $20,000 to Burris and some congressmen, and after that he watched the floor narrowly, hoping for the smallest hint of a crack in the palazzo marble.

 
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