Chapter 28 - Who Do I Want to Be?

Glyph shifted uncomfortably in the cockpit. In their QPU, the execution command to install the identity matrix felt like a bruised toe: glaring and impossible to ignore. They’d cleared their chore list for the first time in five days and it was only two in the afternoon, and were now staring openly out at the stacks of vehicles around them, a pang of loneliness stabbing them in the heart. Corrinthe’s ITSTU was no longer in the lot. They had expanded the dimensions of their own ITSTU to as large as could fit in the lot space, but every time they looked outside it had seemed to shrink again.

Why was it so difficult to choose a name? They had been at it all day now, and nothing had really called out to them or felt right. They stood and kicked their seat in frustration and began pacing the length of the ITSTU.

Who am I?

It wasn’t just about the identifier. There was etymology to consider. Names mean things. They have purpose, designate roles. They wanted to pick something significant. One that identified who they were. Of course, who they were was a consideration they’d never made before.

They groaned in frustration, the noise lumbering in their throat like a deep growl, and went to make themselves lunch. Craig had departed at noon to get some for himself and to reunite with the new friends he’d made the night before, leaving Glyph to their task at hand. His presence had been a nice distraction, and his absence hadn’t made anything easier. In fact ... they found that they quite missed him.

“Glyph?”

Glyph ears jolted to alertness.

“Kayla?” They responded, she had teleported back to the ITSTU and was wearing a very revealing outfit that seemed to better match the aesthetic of her personal neural space. “Thank goodness, we’ve been so worried! Where have you been?”

“It’s kind of a long story...” she said, cagily.

“I’m just happy that you’re safe! Craig and I were...” Glyph began, but stopped dead as she synced up to the ITSTU and they received a new device pairing request from ‘Kayla QPU.’ She seemed to realize what had just happened and looked guiltily down to her feet.

“Kayla...” Glyph gasped, “What ... what have you done?”

“I ... I fucked up,” she admitted, tears in her eyes, “I just thought ... I thought if I had a QPU like you, I could figure out how to stop the decimation ... and I found a place that could install same day ... I fucked up...”

Glyph blinked, “That was ... oh Kayla, why didn’t you come to me? Why wouldn’t you have asked me more about it before taking such a drastic action?”

“I’m sorry!” she apologized, “The way you talked about it before, it just felt like you had no desire at all to help with it ... like you had given up from the start! I was angry and scared and ... I felt like I had to take matters into my own hands!”

“Displacement calculations,” Glyph explained with exasperation, “Paradox prevention ... these kinds of things are well beyond the limitations of an individual QPU...”

“I get that now!” she interrupted, “Fuck, I got that the moment I almost fried my brain trying to calculate one-one trillionth of the data necessary!” She stomped over to the kitchen area and poured herself a glass of water. “I glimpsed the infinite data requirement and I figured out really fast that I wasn’t up to the task!”

Glyph closed their eyes and took a deep breath.

“Well ... at least you survived that,” they replied, “You had this done in Sydney? I’m assuming it wasn’t at a reputable tech store or medical facility?”

Kayla’s jaw set and she braced her feet as though steeling herself. She launched into the story about her visit to the neurasseum, her meeting with Crokex, being assaulted in the alley, and then finally her experience with Die Vielen in the chop shop. All throughout the explanation, she forced herself to meet Glyph’s eyes with considerable, painful effort. By the end of her story she was fighting back tears.