Chapter 25

Sylviana rose the next morning to find Kalus standing in the open doorway, looking out across the snow. The big cat had somehow gained its feet, and lumbered toward him uncertainly. She started to warn him, keeping her voice down only with an effort. But when he turned towards her, his eyes were calm. He took a step back and away from the entrance, and the tiger soon stood in his place. Its gaze moved back and forth between the Wild and the man. Clearly it was not much recovered. Unable to maintain the effort, it slid down to an unnatural sitting position, with the bandaged leg splayed wildly. It let out a growl of pain, and struggled to rise again. Succeeding only partially, it clawed and clutched its way out into the snow. From there it could go no further, and lay where it had fallen, pulling itself to a more natural position and breathing heavily. Kalus said something in a steady voice, then reentered and closed the door.

‘Won’t he die out there?’ asked the girl.

‘No. Not from the cold at least. He’s so hurt and confused, I wanted him to know at least that he is free.’ He came closer, and she saw that he was shivering. She put another fur around his shoulders and made him sit by the fire, which she then repaired.

‘He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?’

‘Yes. Perhaps even more than Akar did to you.’

She sat beside him. ‘How do you mean?’

‘In him I see myself, and I can love ... It’s not his fault that he’s helpless now. He’s only trying to survive, friendless and lost.’

‘But you’re not friendless.’

‘I know.’

She saw that he wrestled with strong emotions, and said no more. At length he took her hand, kissed it, and asked her.

‘If Akar is not successful today ... or even if he is. Could you go to the second reserve again?’

‘Yes. But why, if Akar brings us meat?’

‘He hunts for you, myself until I am better, and the cub. That is burden enough. Please believe it is best. The tiger needs meat, and he must take it from me.’ Again, though she did not understand, she knew that deep currents were at work in him.

A short time later Akar did return, carrying in his mouth some kind of field-bird. As Kalus let him in the wolf took it not to the girl, as was his custom (he had not even acknowledged the man-child’s presence), but instead went to a corner by himself and lay down with it, plucking out the feathers with his teeth, and eating as if he were alone in the chamber. The pup, upon waking, jumped down from the woman’s bed and approached him, her tail wagging in eager solicitation. He did not rebuff her, but made her wait until he had eaten his fill. Then he rose and went out again, passing Sylviana without gesture or affection, bristling slightly as he drew a sullen half-circle past the tiger. The woman closed the door again, confused.

‘What was that all about? What was he trying to say?’

‘Something he’s been telling us for weeks, since the death of Kamela, and before.’

‘What?’ She knew, deep down.

‘That he must leave us soon. That his place is with the pack, his real kindred. They need him now as much as we do. I think that only his shoulder---’

‘It’s not TRUE.’ She sat down on the floor, a forlorn bundle in a world made suddenly colder. ‘He wouldn’t leave us like this.’ She tried to rationalize, arguing with whom she did not know. ‘You’re not able to hunt.’

‘No, but I will be soon, with as much chance as he. And you can live on sebreum.’

‘But Alaska,’ she insisted (the name she had given the pup).

‘He knows I will not let her starve. I’m sorry, Sylviana. But his place is with his own kind.’

‘It’s not fair.’ Her eyes would not stop filling.

Kalus picked up the fur she had discarded, and gently replaced it around her shoulders. He put his hand on her head shyly, feeling unworthy, and unable to do more. But beneath his breath he made this vow.

‘So long as there is life inside me, you will never be alone.’

He moved away, unable to face the apparition of Winter’s resistance to his life and to his dreams. To love so deeply, and with so little hope...

Kalus fed the tiger with the reserves the woman-child brought him. Akar returned at nightfall and she spent the night beside him, crying softly, and loving more than ever the friend she feared to lose. He did not resist her.

Kalus slept alone, vowing again and again his devotion, fearing to hear himself speak.