Chapter 12: Royalty

The Queen demanded her breakfast in bed. Clelia came to the breakfast room to tell me so.

I had heard the furious ringing of her bell and I said to Smith that something of that sort was likely to happen.

“You tell her,” said I to Clelia, “that no meals are served in rooms. What does she expect with only one waitress?”

Clelia went away and Smith and I resumed coffee, toast, and a poached egg apiece. Presently Clelia returned, her eyes and cheeks brilliant with suppressed emotion.

“Well,” said I, “what’s the matter now?”

“Madame Xenos is very, very angry, and she demands to see the landlord.”

“Did she employ that word?”

“Yes, she did.”

“You say she wants to see me?” I asked.

“She insists.”

“But you tell me she’s in bed, Clelia. How can I go up?”

Clelia shrugged her pretty shoulders! “Queens don’t care. A landlord of an inn has no masculine meaning to a queen.”

“Is that so!” I said. “Very well”—I finished my coffee at a gulp—”I’ll go and see Madame Hohenzollern.”

“You’d better be careful,” said Clelia, smiling. “She really is a vixen.”

I recollected the story of Constantine, and that it was commonly believed she had once stuck a knife into Tino when annoyed about something or other.

But I rose from the table determined to settle her status in my house once for all.

“And, Clelia,” I said, “I’ve heard other bells tinkling. Those kings upstairs are no good, and I wouldn’t put it past either of them to demand that you serve them breakfast in their rooms.”

“They have demanded it.”

Smith turned an angry red and made as though to rise, but sat down again.

For a moment I was too mad to speak. Finally I said: “Of course you ignored their bells.”

“No, I answered them.”

“You didn’t go into their rooms!”

“No. I knocked politely. Monsieur Xenos flirted with me——”

“What!”

“In a whisper through the keyhole. So I went away to see what Monsieur Itchenuff desired.” She laughed and, lifting the coffee-pot, filled Smith’s cup. “Monsieur Itchenuff wanted me to bring him breakfast. He also said he always breakfasted in bed——”

“Keep away from that pair!” said Smith violently.

But Clelia’s eyebrows went up and so did her nose, mutely signaling Smith to mind his own affairs.

“Clelia,” said he, “I want to talk to you——”

“I’m here to wait on you, not to talk to you!” she retorted.

“Then at least you must listen——”

“Must? Must? Monsieur Smith, your bullying tone does not please me!”

Here was the beginning of a pretty row. But I had another on my own hands so I left them and went upstairs to interview the Queen.

“Come in!” she snapped when I knocked. Her voice chilled my courage and I sidled in batting my eyes ingratiatingly.

The Queen was in bed. Her hair was done up like a lady Hottentot’s, all screwed into tight little kinks. Over her sharp, discontented features cold cream glistened like oleomargarine on a bun.

“I’ve ordered breakfast in bed,” she said sharply. “Why am I kept waiting?”

I explained that there was only one waitress.

“But what of that?” she asked in astonishment. “The other guests can wait.”

“Why should they wait?” I inquired, annoyed.

She shot an arrogant glance at me and started to say something but, evidently recollecting her incognito as Madame Xenos, merely choked and finally swallowed her wrath.

“Madame,” said I soothingly, for I was really afraid of her, “I am extremely sorry to inconvenience you, but the rules of the chalet must be observed by everybody, otherwise confusion in the service is certain to result——”

“I am not interested in your domestic problems,” she said, and turned over in bed.

“Madame,” said I, “let me trouble you to remember that I am not an innkeeper whom you can bully. I am the grandson of an Admiral!”

At that the Queen sat up and stared at me like a maverick.

“That’s true,” she said. “I had forgotten that distinction. I am sorry if I spoke too severely. Nevertheless it’s very annoying.”

I said I regretted the necessity of making rules; she yawned and fiddled with her corkscrew kinks, but nodded acknowledgment to my perfectly correct bow. And so I left the Queen, yawning, stretching, and rubbing her neck and ears with the sleepy satisfaction of an awakened cat.

The bell of King Constantino was still ringing at intervals. So I continued along the corridor and knocked very lightly at his door. Listening, I heard a shuffle of unshod feet within, a rustle, then through the key-hole a persuasive voice thick with suppressed affection:

“Why so cruel, little one? Bring me my breakfast on a pretty tray—there’s a good little girl. And maybe there’ll be a big, shiny gold-piece for you if you’re very amiable.”

I hesitated, listening to his heavy, irregular breathing, then opened the door.

The King looked intensely foolish for a moment, then seized me by the shoulder, drew me into the room, and shut the door.

“We’re a pack of sad dogs, we men!” he said jovially, smiting me familiarly on the shoulder again. “We’re all up to our little tricks—every one of us, eh, O’Ryan? No—no! Don’t pull a smug face with me—a good looking young fellow like you! No, no! it won’t do, O’Ryan. We men ought to be frank with one another. And that’s me—bluff, rough, frank to a fault!—just a soldier, O’Ryan——”

“I thought you were a wine-merchant, Monsieur Xenos.”

“Oh, certainly. But I’ve been a soldier. I’m more at home in barracks than I am anywhere else.” He chuckled, dug me in the ribs with his thumb:

“Be a good sport, O’Ryan. You don’t want both of them, do you? My God, man, you’re no Turk, I hope. Why can’t that very young one—I mean the yellow haired one—bring me my breakfast and——”

Probably my features were not under perfect control for the King stopped short and took an instinctive step backward.

“Where do you think you are, Monsieur Xenos?” I asked, striving to keep my voice steady. “Did you think you are in a cabaret, or a mastroquet or a zenana?”

“Oh, come,” he began, losing countenance, “you shouldn’t take a bluff old soldier too precisely——”

“You listen to me! Mind your damned business while you’re under my roof or I’ll knock your silly head off!”

I looked him over deliberately, insultingly, from the tasseled toe of his Algerian bed-room slippers to his purple pyjamas clasped with a magnificent ruby at the throat.

“Behave yourself decently,” said I slowly, “or I’ll take you out to the barnyard and rub your nose in it.”

And I went out, leaving Tino stupefied in the center of his bedroom.

The Tzar’s bell was ringing again, but I made no ceremony in his case, merely jerking open his door and telling him curtly to come down to breakfast if he wanted any. Then I closed his door to cut off argument and continued on.

I met Thusis in apron and dust-cloth, sweeping the stairs.

She looked up almost shyly as I passed her with a polite bow.

“Good morning,” she said. “Did you sleep well, Monsieur?”

“The wind kept me awake,” said I drily.

“And me, also.” She glanced out of the stair window, leaning on her broom. “It is raining very hard,” she observed. “The mountains will not be safe to-day.”

“How do you mean?” I inquired coolly, but willing to linger, heaven help me!

“Avalanches,” she explained.

“I see.”

We remained silent. Thusis inspected her broom-handle, tucked a curl up under her white head-cloth.

I said: “You and Clelia seem to exchange jobs rather frequently.”

“It mitigates the monotony,” she remarked, resting her rounded cheek against the broom-handle.

“Where did you leave that gun?” I demanded in a low voice.

“Do you remember my reply to you on the stairs last night, Don Michael?”

“You bade me go to the devil.”

“That was rude of me, wasn’t it? And so frightfully vulgar! Oh, dear me! I really don’t know what I am coming to.”

She smiled very gaily, however.

“Thusis,” said I, “you wouldn’t shoot up any of these kings and queens, would you?”

At that she laughed outright: “Not if they behave themselves!”

“Seriously——”

“I am quite serious, Don Michael.”

“You’re bent on searching their luggage,” said I. “And Ferdinand has two big automatic pistols.”

“You’re such a funny boy,” said Thusis with her adorable smile. “But now you must run away and let me do my dusting.”

Her sleeves were rolled to her shoulders. I had never seen such perfect arms except in Greek sculpture. I said so, impulsively. And Thusis blushed.

“That is the sort of thing I had rather you did not say,” she remarked.

“But if it’s quite true, Thusis——”

“Does one blurt out anything merely because one believes it to be true? Besides, ill-made or agreeable, my arms do not concern you, Monsieur O’Ryan.”

“Everything that you are concerns me very deeply, Thusis——”

“I will not have it so!”

“But you said I might pay my court to you——”

“But you don’t pay court! You make love to me!”

“What is the essential difference?”

“To court a woman is to be polite, empressé, always ready to serve her, always quick with some stately compliment, some pretty conceit, some bon-mot to please her, some trifle of wit, of gossip.” She cast a deliciously wicked look at me. “I have no doubt, Michael, that you could, without effort, measure up to the standard of a faultless courtier ... If you’d be content to do so.”

That was too much for me. I stepped toward her and slipped my arm around her pliant waist. She laughed, resisted, flushed, then lost her color and clutched my hand at her waist with her own, striving to unloosen it.

“Don’t do that, Michael,” she said, breathing unevenly.

“I love you, Thusis——”

“I don’t wish to listen——”

“I’m madly in love with you——”

“Michael!”

“What?”

“Are you trying to kiss me?”

That is what I was trying to do. She twisted herself free and stepped aside; and I saw the rapid pulse in her white throat and the irregular flutter of her bosom.

For a moment the old blaze flamed once more in her gray eyes and I expected a most terrifying wigging, but all she said was: “You are very rough with me,” in a small and breathless voice; and, suddenly, to my astonishment, turned her back and laid her head on the handle of her broom.