Sixteen Years Without a Birthday

While the journalist deftly dealt with the lobster à la Newburg, as it bubbled in the chafing-dish before him, the deep-toned bell of the church at the corner began to strike twelve.

“Give me your plates, quick,” he said, “and we’ll drink Jack’s health before it’s to-morrow.”

The artist and the soldier and the professor of mathematics did as they were told; and then they filled their glasses.

The journalist, still standing, looked the soldier in the eye, and said: “Jack, this is the first time The Quartet has met since the old school-days, ten years ago and more. That this reunion should take place on your birthday doubles the pleasure of the occasion. We wish you many happy returns of the day!”

Then the artist and the mathematician rose also, and they looked at the soldier, and repeated together, “Many happy returns of the day!”

Whereupon they emptied their glasses and sat down, and the soldier rose to his feet.

“Thank you, boys,” he began, “but I think you have already made me enjoy this one birthday three times over. It was yesterday that I was twenty-six, and----”

“But I didn’t meet you till last night,” interrupted the journalist;

“and yesterday was Sunday; and I couldn’t get a box for the theatre and find the other half of The Quartet all on Sunday, could I?”

“I’m not complaining because yesterday was my real birthday,” the soldier returned, “even if you have now protracted the celebration on to the third day--it’s just struck midnight, you know. All I have to say is, that since you have given me a triplicate birthday this time, any future anniversary will have to spread itself over four days if it wants to beat the record, that’s all.” And he took his seat again.

“Well,” said the artist, who had recently returned from Paris, “that won’t happen till we see ‘the week of the four Thursdays,’ as the French say.”

“And we sha’n’t see that for a month of Sundays, I guess,” the journalist rejoined.

There was a moment of silence, and then the mathematician spoke for the first time.

“A quadruplex birthday will be odd enough, I grant you,” he began, “but I don’t think it quite as remarkable as the case of the lady who had no birthday for sixteen years after she was born.”

The soldier and the artist and the journalist all looked at the professor of mathematics, and they all smiled; but his face remained perfectly grave.

“What’s that you say?” asked the journalist. “Sixteen years without a birthday? Isn’t that a very large order?”

“Did you know the lady herself?” inquired the soldier.

“She was my grandmother,” the mathematician answered. “She had no birthday for the first sixteen years of her life.”

“You mean that she did not celebrate her birthdays, I suppose,” the artist remarked. “That’s nothing. I know lots of families where they don’t keep any anniversaries at all.”

“No,” persisted the mathematician. “I meant what I said, and precisely what I said. My grandmother did not keep her first fifteen birthdays because she couldn’t. She didn’t have them to keep. They didn’t happen.

The first time she had a chance to celebrate her birthday was when she completed her sixteenth year--and I need not tell you that the family made the most of the event.”

“This a real grandmother you are talking about,” asked the journalist,

“and not a fairy godmother?”

“I could understand her going without a birthday till she was four years old,” the soldier suggested, “if she was born on the 29th of February.”

“That accounts for four years,” the mathematician admitted, “since my grandmother was born on the 29th of February.”

“In what year?” the soldier pursued. “In 1796?”

The professor of mathematics nodded.

“Then that accounts for eight years,” said the soldier.

“I don’t see that at all,” exclaimed the artist.

“It’s easy enough,” the soldier explained. “The year 1800 isn’t a leap-year, you know. We have a leap-year every four years, except the final year of a century--1700, 1800, 1900.”

“I didn’t know that,” said the artist.

“I’d forgotten it,” remarked the journalist. “But that gets us over only half of the difficulty. He says his grandmother didn’t have a birthday till she was sixteen. We can all see now how it was she went without this annual luxury for the first eight years. But who robbed her of the birthdays she was entitled to when she was eight and twelve.

That’s what I want to know.”

“Born February 29, 1796, the Gregorian calendar deprives her of a birthday in 1800,” the soldier said. “But she ought to have had her first chance February 29, 1804. I don’t see how----” and he paused in doubt. “Oh!” he cried, suddenly; “where was she living in 1804?”

“Most of the time in Russia,” the mathematician answered. “Although the family went to England for a few days early in the year.”