Clinging to Hope as the World Falters - Cover

Clinging to Hope as the World Falters

Copyright© 2016 by Vincent Berg

20: The Plague Hits Home

“Look, you guys don’t have to do this. After all, you’ve hardly known us that long, and you’ve only known Frank for a couple of days,” Billy said, as he and Adrian carried Frank’s body out of the trailer. Adrian had to stop to better his grip and David offered once again to help. Billy had insisted that they be the only ones to handle the body, not wanting to risk exposing anyone else. David had tried to argue with him about it, but they’d both insisted, so now David kept his objections to himself. This was important to them, the same way the burial was important to the girls.

“We’re not doing it strictly for Frank,” David explained. “It’s what he represents. We welcomed you into our house, so we can’t turn our back on you when you get sick, and we’re not going to do it now that he’s gone. After all, he represents all those who have died alone in strange circumstances, separated from family and friends with no one by their sides when it happened, and no one knowing that they’ve passed. Everyone here can see themselves in the same situation and they don’t like what it represents. No one here wants to be forgotten, and by honoring you, they honor all those who’ve died in isolation, and they’re expressing their hopes that they’ll receive a similar honor.”

“Still, you’re each risking more than is necessary by doing this,” Adrian argued.

“We face the risk of death every single day, just like everyone does. We face the same risk just by breathing the air or talking to each other. We can’t cut the risk by being unreasonable, and taking care of each other is not only reasonable, it’s essential. It’s what makes us human. If we live by isolating ourselves, then would we still be as human when we eventually climb out of our cave after the danger has passed, after having ignored everyone we care about as they lay suffering?”

They said this, despite the sores that Billy was now showing. They weren’t open and oozing, like Bobby’s were, but it was obvious he was getting sick. So far Adrian remained symptom free, but there was no telling how long that reprieve might last.

The conversation halted when Bobby walked out of the house holding a bag of supplies and started walking towards where he imagined the trailer was. He changed his direction once he heard the ongoing discussion. Caitlyn and Erica trailed after him, obviously worried about him, but he seemed determined to do whatever he was doing himself.

“It’s final, and I’m doing it. What’s more, I can do it on my own if you won’t help. Just get out of my way,” he argued.

Caitlyn looked at David pleadingly.

“What’s going on?” David asked.

“I’m moving out of the house and into the trailer with Billy and Adrian,” Bob informed him. “I’m infected, and I’m not going to put everyone in jeopardy simply for my convenience.”

“He needs someone to look after him,” Erica pleaded. “The last thing he needs is to be sleeping out in the cold, in the damp, and exposed to the elements.”

“I can take care of myself, what’s more I’ve got Billy and Adrian to look out for me. I’ve been taking care of myself for decades, and I can continue to do so for the rest of my life.”

“Look, let’s stop with this martyr business,” David cautioned. “It’s counterproductive, it’s not helpful, and i—”

“That’s a bunch of bull,” Bobby countered. “I’ve got a death sentence over my head now. I’ll be dead in only a few days and we all know it, even if you are afraid of admitting it. What’s more, I’m not afraid of it. Frankly, I’m ready to join Ma. I couldn’t see myself continuing without her, and now she and God have taken the choice out of my hands. As much as I respect all of you, and want to help, the best way to help now is to move out.”

“We tried to talk him down,” Caitlyn explained, “but he wouldn’t listen to us. He collected his stuff, told us who gets which of his things, and insisted we wipe down everything he touched.”

“I’ve exposed you enough as it is. I don’t want my contaminated sweat and blood to contaminate the rest of you.”

“Billy, I think you’ll have to put Frank down until we get this worked out,” David said before turning to Bobby. “The trailer is over this way. Now, are you sure this is really what you want?”

“Yes, absolutely. I know I’m going to get sicker quickly, and I want to make the move while I’m able to. It’s better for everyone this way.”

“I can see it being OK with you, since Billy and Adrian can help you manage, but will it help them?” David asked, trying a different tact.

“Hell, I’ve nursed others plenty of times. I know how to take care of someone who’s ill. I’ve wiped shit, sweat and vomit before, and I can do it again. What’s more, care isn’t a visual medium. I’ll be better off, the boys will do better with someone who can take care of them, and the rest of you will be safer without my making you sick.”

David just shrugged, acknowledging he couldn’t think of any other arguments to counter his position.

“We’ve been disease free for so long, it makes you wonder why we’re suddenly starting to get sick now,” Linda said.

“Ha, that’s obvious,” Adrian replied. “We brought it, we exposed you, and now we’ve threatened all of you. We never should have come here. We should have stayed at the campus. We were hoping to escape the disease, but we’ve only brought it here.”

“I don’t think so,” Ellen said. “Everyone agrees that the plague is airborne, and it seems evident that it was started by the asteroid shower. Thus the germs that caused this started out as airborne contaminants, and that means we’ve been exposed simply by breathing.”

“If that’s the case, then why haven’t any of us gotten sick yet?” Maggie asked.

“Actually, I’ve been considering that,” Alice said. “I don’t think you’ve noticed it, not having spent as long here as I have, but you’ll notice that it’s always windy here. The air sweeps down the mountainside and blows off into the valley below us. While you’re right that the original contaminant started off in the upper atmosphere, it apparently took time until it adapted to the human physiology, and now that it has, the airborne contaminants have settled closer to the ground.

“The air that blows through here comes from higher up, and I don’t think it brings the virus with it. However, as time goes by, more and more of the contaminants are moving higher and higher up into the atmosphere. Thus it was only a limited amount of time until we were all eventually exposed,” she finished with a note of finality.

Linda mumbled something under her breath, and since no one could hear it, David turned and glanced at her. Seeing their interest, she spoke up. “I said, I don’t think it’s that simple. I think you’ve got a good point, that the air stream theory explains why we’ve escaped getting sick for so long, but Billy told us about how they got into a fight with Frank that first night. How the fight carried them out into the yard as Frank physically resisted their removing his clothes and revealing that he was sick. Then, if you’ll remember, the next day Bob gets the bright idea of walking around barefoot outside and cuts his foot. I think there’s a simpler case of cross contamination. Frank must have spread some bodily fluids on the grass, and when Bobby cut himself, he gave it an easy access to his system.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” Maggie observed.

“So Adrian is right, but not in the way he thought,” Billy commented.

“Not really,” Maggie corrected him. “It was Frank that exposed all of us, and it was only because he was trying to hide his exposure. If he’d been forthcoming, none of us would have been exposed. As it is, it looks like only the three of you have been exposed so far.”

“And I was sure to have the girls wipe everything I touched with antiseptic wipes,” Bobby insisted.

“There’s no evidence yet that they can kill the bugs we’re dealing with,” Ellen reminded him. “It makes sense to try to protect ourselves, but we don’t know how best to do it.”

“Look, these are all interesting theories, but it doesn’t address how we’re going to go on from here,” David reminded everyone. “Bobby, as much as I hate to say it, I think your idea to move out here is probably a valid choice, although I’m troubled by your assumption that you’re willing to die. We need everyone fighting to survive, that’s the only way we’ll manage to beat this sickness.”

“Face it, David, it doesn’t look like anyone is surviving this,” Adrian pointed out. “We know we’re going to die. We’ve picked out different ways of dealing with it, but we’re already ‘walking dead’. We’re just waiting to fall over to complete the process”

“OK, look, enough with the morbid thoughts,” David countered. “We’re not ready to give up on anyone here. What’s more, we’ll fight with each of you to keep you alive whether you want to or not, but it would be much easier on each of us if you didn’t fight us. We need to work together to survive this, and any of you deciding you don’t want to live makes survival more difficult on the rest of us.”

“I’m not risking anyone else, and I’ve already taught the girls everything I was doing for you. I think I’ve already done my part,” Bobby argued.

“But it’s not that simple,” Ellen countered. “Watching you give up and stop fighting makes everyone else give up hope as well. In order to help everyone, it helps if everyone works as hard as they can to survive. It’s no guarantee it’ll help you live any longer, but it’s a better overall survival mechanism.”

Bobby grumbled, but didn’t have any arguments against that.

“OK, put Bobby’s stuff in the trailer for him. Once you’re done, we’ll finish with the burial detail,” David concluded, tiring of the pointless arguments.


“We take this moment to remember our good friends, Frank Morre, Reggie Sinclair and Mary Lind. They each worked hard, both for us as a newly formed family, for themselves, but also for the community at large, and as such they’ll be missed, not only for what they did for us, but also for what they meant to us,” David said, as he extemporized a memorial service for them.

“I’d ask God to watch over both them and us, but I’m not sure what we’re facing is God’s responsibility. I think, as he typically does, God has no part in what we face. Just as he has never stopped or promoted natural disasters, I suspect he’s leaving our survival in our own hands, so we’ll have to work hand in hand to pull through this, and that means we’ll have to do everything we can to bolster each other. That said, I hope that God will at least watch out for the recently departed, and save us a seat beside them for when we join them, even if we chose to wait a while before we do so.

“I’d also like to say something personal. While I never got a chance to get to know Frank that well, I was impressed how he turned his attitude around, moving from hiding his illness to trying to become a better, more responsible person before he died.

“Reggie has been a friend of mine for several years, and we shared a lot. We both respected each other, and what’s more we respected each other enough to give us our own space. But when we were threatened, he chose me to look out for the love of his life, and I’d like to honor him by doing just that. I like to think that he’d be proud of how we’ve welcomed her into our home, and how we’ve dedicated ourselves to helping each member of our new family, even those who have been with us less than the others have.

“And Mary, whom we all affectionately called Ma, was a dear soul. She dedicated herself to helping others. She cared for Bobby, but she also gave her life trying to help identify the plague that ultimately caused her death, and helped identify what was happening, prompting a nationwide search for a solution. We owe her a great deal. She needn’t have exposed herself, but she chose to do so knowing it would be better for everyone that she did. What’s more, I suspect she also chose to not return home during this period for fear that she may expose us. I admire that sacrifice on her part, as I realize it must have been difficult to have had to die so far from home, her husband, and us, her newest family.”

With that David stood aside as Maggie stepped up.

“I’d like to say something about my husband, Reggie Sinclair. He was a good man who dedicated himself to helping people, choosing to serve the people here in a fairly remote community by taking over his father’s business rather than moving to the city where he could have made a lot more money. I loved that dedication, and I loved how much he cared for those he served. What’s more, I loved the freedom it gave us. It allowed us to live close to the city, but also to enjoy this remote community, where we learned to stand on our own and to express our individuality. That resilience is what now carries us forward. While other cities and communities have fallen apart, unable to deal with what’s happened, this one has pulled together, working hard to help each other, and to help anyone who happened to find themselves here.

“I include those who represent that same spirit, like David, Ellen and the rest of you who have made yourselves at home here, and who have worked tirelessly to help everyone, issuing the first warnings of the dangers we all face, and broadcasting suggestions on how we can survive what we all face. Clearly, not everyone in this county felt the same way, as others have tried to punish those that never chose to become sick, and those that risk other’s lives only to steal what doesn’t belong to them, in an attempt to take what they want after their owners have died. But it’s people like these here that represent what’s good about humanity, and like David said, if we forget a single person among us, we surrender our own humanity. The survivalists we fought yesterday represent the worst of humanity, while David and my dear Reggie represent the best of it.”

David had to help Maggie as she hurriedly moved away, tears streaming down her face. Caitlyn was about to lead Bobby forward, but Adrian motioned her back as he took Bobby’s arm and moved him before the makeshift cross they’d crafted for the memorial site.

“As much as I love the rest of you, Ma held a special place in my heart, and one that’s not easily replaced. Before she came along I was a tough old bird, a lonely blind man boldly making his way in the world in defiance of those who told me I couldn’t. But she brought the humanity the rest of you talk of to my world. She taught me how to love and how to forgive, and what’s more, how to care for others. It’s because of her that I first met David, although they’d both deny that. And it’s because of David and the rest of you that I’ve survived this long, that much I’m sure of. But I also know that she’s calling my name, and there’s only so long I can ignore her siren’s call. Know this, Ma, I love you, and I count the days until I’ll join you again.”

When Bobby fell silent, Adrian helped him move off to the side. When everyone else looked at Billy, he realized it was his turn, so he stepped up and offered what he could.

“Although we never really got to know Frank terribly well, I know that he was a proud man, and he was desperate to survive, and more than simply surviving, he wanted his life to mean something in the end. Once he was assured he’d have a chance at surviving, a chance given him by David, he chose to make up for his duplicity by working up until the end of his short life by helping others, and taking care of those who fell victim before he did, ever mindful that those lifeless bodies staring up at him represented what would soon become of him.

“I can respect that position, and it’s one that I’d like to emulate. I want to help everyone that I can, not because it will help them, but because it will help me. Hopefully it will define me, declare me to be more than the things I’ve accumulated during my life, show me to be more than what I’d hoped to eventually accomplish. Now I have a short time to prove what I might have been, and like David says, I want people, hell, virtually anyone, to remember me, but more than that, I want these people around me, who I respect and admire so much, to remember me fondly. That, more than anything else, will give meaning to my life.”

Billy too broke down at that point, shedding quiet tears, so David took a shovel and threw the first shovelful of dirt onto Frank’s prone body in the grave below. The girls, one by one, followed suit, adding their own shovels as their last memorial. David had insisted that the grave be dug extra wide and deep, and insisted that they only cover him partially, using a tarp to cover the grave afterwards. He knew that there would be more people that would need burials in the days and weeks to follow, and he didn’t want to burden others with having to work this hard to bury him if anything happened to him as well.

After they’d paid their respects, they stood around as Bobby and Maggie continued to mourn their spouses, but once they seemed to have reached their limit, they helped them back, the two groups moving to their respective spaces, with Bobby moving to the more limited and less comfortable temporary accommodations of the trailer. It may not be his home for long, but he still felt welcomed there, and he was proud to call it home.


Having finished the memorial, everyone had lunch and got busy with their daily tasks. Ellen and Linda borrowed some of the girls to finish setting up the cages for the animals. They were also careful to examine each one to ensure they weren’t showing signs of being ill, knowing they’d have to separate and potentially put them down as soon as they showed any symptoms. Despite their fears, they didn’t find any diseased animals, which seemed to validate Alice’s theory for why they hadn’t become sick yet.

Several of the girls also worked gathering data for the day’s broadcasts, the girls gossiping with Alice and Amy about the shootout as they did. Billy and Adrian insisted on heading out again, despite their sickness. David tried to dissuade them, but they insisted they wanted to be productive as long as they could, and David knew this was important to them as Billy had explained in his eulogy, so he didn’t pursue it.

When David asked whether Bobby wanted his spare radio hooked up in the trailer, he waved the suggestion off.

“Nah, there’s no point. I taught the girls everything they need to know, and my contributing now will just undermine what they’re doing, making them doubt whether they can do it as well as I can. It’s better if I don’t. I have a music player and my book reader as well as chargers for both, so I should be set. Although, frankly, I don’t really plan to use either.”

“I still think it would help you to stay connected,” David pointed out.

“And I keep telling you it’s not going to make much difference. I’d rather spend my time remembering the good points in my life and reflect on the differences I made, but anything I’d do now would just take away from what the girls are doing.”

David wasn’t fond of this attitude of Bobby’s, but he couldn’t very well change his thinking, so he was forced to leave Bobby on his own.

Having nothing more pressing to do, David took Ellen, Sara and Julie with him as he left to stop in and check up on certain people nearby that he was concerned with and that he wanted to keep track of. These people either owned farms, or had other resources he knew he’d need access to in the coming months, and he wanted to make sure he could act to prevent those resources from being lost if they fell ill and died. If nothing else, stopping to visit them would help cement their relationships, at the worst, he could help them potentially live a little longer, or help the healthy members avoid becoming infected by their sick relatives.

When they returned they found dinner ready and everyone finished with their tasks, except for the two men. They didn’t show up for a while, and when they did, David and Ellen went out to check on them. They found that both men were dragging. Although Billy’s sores were visibly worse, Adrian’s skin remained clear, but both were obviously having trouble. A quick check revealed that both had fevers, so they tried to assist them into the trailer despite the pair’s objections. Observing what was happening, Bobby assured them he’d take care of them, and sent David and Ellen to look after the others in the safety of their house.

The news from the girls wasn’t very reassuring, but there wasn’t much new. The death rates continued to mount, and there appeared to be even fewer people still able to do any research. Many of the hospitals they’d been communicating with had gone off the air, and few others joined the discussions. What’s more, the hospitals had largely given up hope of actually doing anything more than easing their patients’ passing, and more and more of the hospital staff were dying as well.

Everyone discussed the situation and how they saw it turning out. David, Ellen and Linda encouraged everyone to keep their hopes up, but the girls were not entirely convinced. Maggie didn’t really offer much of an opinion, and David knew it was because she was more aware of the limits of medicine. While the girls knew the dangers, they were still a little young to be able to grasp the extent of the devastation the country had already suffered from.

He realized that everyone needed to contemplate where they stood on their own, rather than debating it in public, David finally called it a night. He also knew that, when any of them had a specific problem, they’d come to either him or Ellen, so he felt comfortable letting them handle things on their own for the night. He checked up on Bobby, Adrian and Billy, but Bobby warned him away, telling him they were sick and not to bother coming in, as he had everything well in hand. It once again amazed David how Bobby could handle treating two sick individuals in a trailer he’d just moved into without being able to see a thing, but then Bobby had always been a pretty amazing individual.

When he came back in, Ellen met him at the door and they locked up and headed upstairs together. Once they climbed into bed, however, rather than sleep, cuddle or talk, they started getting amorous again. It had been a while since they’d done anything, and while the circumstances seemed wrong, it suddenly seemed to be all they could think of. As much as the recent deaths were a distraction, they were also a siren call for them both to grab onto life with both hands, and what better way to grab onto life than grabbing someone you love and making wild passionate love with them. They were getting pretty hot and heavy into it, and David was just getting into position to press into Ellen when there was a timid knock on the door.

Given all that had happened, they could hardly ignore it. Sighing, David called out, “Yeah?”

The door opened slightly, they’d given up locking it since they knew the girls wouldn’t interrupt them, and they’d often come in after they were done anyway, so it really didn’t make sense locking the door, and Maggie stuck her head it.

“I need some of your time,” she stated plaintively.

David rolled off of Ellen, trying to will his rampant erection down as Ellen replied “Of course, come on in.”

She got about four steps in when she realized their state of undress.

“Were you guys busy?”

“We were about to start, but it’s OK,” David assured her. “You’re more important. We can always steal some time later.”

“Look, I’m really sorry, and I’m not here to crash your party or anything, but I just don’t want to be alone right now, and I could really use a hug.”

“Sure, honey. Slip in right here between us,” Ellen told her. “Everything is going to be OK.”

David considered trying to find his bedclothes, but he knew that was an impossible option at that point, and he hoped Maggie wouldn’t take offense to his having an erection during her time of need, but she didn’t seem to notice their nakedness as she climbed into the bed and snuggled between them.

“I’m still not sure I’m really ready to grieve, but it suddenly hit me that I’m never going to see him again. I’ll never hear his snore, I’ll never hear him gargle while he’s brushing his teeth, and I’ll never even see him pick his teeth either. He’s really gone,” she said as a tear slid down her cheek, glistening in the dim bedside nightlight.

David lay out on his back and she snuggled into him while Ellen cuddled her from behind. Despite his unease about exposing himself to her, she held him tight, pressing herself against him and his erection. David also knew that there was no way that Ellen could disguise her erect nipples from her either, but Maggie had no time to be concerned with such things.

“That’s OK, let it out,” David stupidly responded, not knowing how to address such a sentiment, and knowing if he said anything more he’d try to start finding a solution to her problem, which he realized was the last thing she wanted.

“That’s expected,” Ellen cooed from the side, snuggling against her. “He was a big part of your life, and you’re bound to miss him, especially at night when you’d usually be cuddled up against him. You’re likely to have many little moments like these, and whenever you do, know that we’re here for you.”

“There’s just this giant hole in my heart and in my soul, knowing that he won’t be there for me, and ... and knowing that I wasn’t there for him either.”

“Now that’s just not true,” David said, not able to keep himself from trying to correct things. “You’d been seeing him pretty regularly. You kept running to your store to check in on him and shepherd supplies back and forth.”

“That’s just it,” she sniffled into his chest, “The last time I went to see him he wouldn’t talk to me. He said he had some orders to get out for several people, which I should have recognized wasn’t like him. But I just said ‘OK’ and let him get back to work. When I walked out, I thought maybe he was angry at me, that maybe he was upset that I’d been here for so long and had been abandoning him. Having fun while he worked alone.”

“You did nothing of the ki—” David started to say before he was stopped by a swift kick in the shin.

“He didn’t mean it,” Ellen argued. “I’m sure he was trying to protect you. He probably knew that he was sick and didn’t want you to worry if you couldn’t do anything about it. He was concerned about you.”

David didn’t say anything this time, just holding her as she cried against his shoulder, her hair spreading out all over as he tried to will his erection away, something it just wasn’t willing to do. He may have been concerned about her emotional well being, but his dick had an agenda all its own, and going down wasn’t on it.

He was also aware of her dress as well. Although she had a night shirt on, an extra long T-shirt, he could feel her breasts and nipples pressing into his side, and he found it hard to think of anything besides them. Them, and doing something with that erection of his.

“But I should have known. I should have recognized it was out of character. I should have known he needed me. You would have understood if I had to go back to him, you wouldn’t have minded. I should have been there for him.”

“Nonsense,” Ellen insisted. “He wanted you safe. More than anything else, he loved you, and he’d rather you be safe and secure here rather than being exposed trying vainly to take care of him.”

“He apparently worked on, even knowing he was sick,” Maggie continued. “They say he wore his mask all the time, and his gloves too, so he felt he could continue to take care of people without exposing them to what he had, but he couldn’t turn his back on his customers. They needed him, and he wanted to be there for them up until the very end.”

“It was important to him. He certainly wasn’t doing it for the money, after all, no one needs it anymore.”

Maggie lifted her head at that, looking at David instead of back at Ellen who’d made the comment. “That’s not true. He told me no one could pay anymore, but he’d set up a series of payments. He knew that people felt guilty accepting handouts, so they’d bring in things for him. They’d either bring in food or treats, but usually they’d work out an arrangement. He had a whole string of notes of what everyone had promised him.”

When she said that, Maggie suddenly sat up somewhat, looking pensive. “We need to get those, and the medical supplies he had there.”

“I think we have plenty of medical supplies here,” David tried to assure her.

“No, you don’t understand. We’ve got the liquid antibiotics, the various creams and whatnot, but he’s got all the tablets. Those will be important to whoever survives, and we’ll need them. I don’t want to leave them to some thug who decides to break in, looking for whatever they can steal.”

“I don’t think anyone is going to be stealing anything. I think most people are hunkered down, trying to wait out the illness,” David said, trying to assure her it wasn’t as important as she thought it was.

“Don’t worry, David will take you in the morning and you can get whatever you need,” Ellen said, somehow knowing just what needed to be said without having to struggle with it. But then again, she didn’t have a crying woman rubbing against her erection, one that was demanding some attention, and that was misinterpreting the sensations it was getting.

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