Chapter 19

I was a very proud and only slightly obnoxious new father again.

James Kenneth Lewis and Abigail Rachael Lewis were born within five minutes of each other. Their moms had gone into labor at almost the same time, but these babies weren’t in the hurry to get out that Robert had been. That meant they had plenty of time to get to the hospital and make sure that both women were in the same delivery room. That wasn’t exactly something the hospital wanted to do, but they weren’t given a choice.

Other than my not being present, I was told it was a flawless delivery. I tried to make up for part of it by simply spending the night in the room with all four of them.

Apparently the news had gone out on Saturday, because by that evening, the flower deliveries started pouring in. I was trying to figure out how they’d gotten the word out so quickly. Hannah clued me in. Since none of them actually had to use a telephone to make a call, courtesy of the shivalingam on their rings, and they didn’t have to actually talk out loud, it was easy to make several hundred mental phone calls. Hannah explained over lunch that was how Helen and Diana were easily staying on top of things; phone calls just weren’t that distracting to them. “They literally could be in the shower and talking to France about why they’d bombed the Rainbow Warrior, sinking it in Auckland’s harbor,” she said.

“Wait a minute! Do we, meaning the Federation, need to get involved?” I asked.

“No,” Hannah replied. “France apologized to New Zealand for any damage to the harbor. Oh, I see. Rainbow Warrior is ... or was ... a ship belonging to Greenpeace. They’re not affiliated with any nation; they’re a group of environmentalists. France had been conducting nuclear tests in the South Pacific and they’d been down there to protest that and to interfere with them. Now that France is destroying their nukes, they’re trying to interfere with shipping them to the destruction facilities.”

“Uh, why?”

“Apparently, they’re concerned about the environmental hazards from disposing of all the nuclear waste.”

“That makes about no sense. They don’t want the bombs, but they don’t want them taken apart, either. Next, I suppose you’ll tell me they don’t like our plans for putting nuclear reactors on the islands, even though my improvements to the Japanese design make them completely safe,” I scoffed.

“Actually, they’re protesting that, too.”

I looked at the babies, both feeding at their mother’s breasts. “You hear that, little ones? Rather than come up with a viable solution to the problem, people want to just complain about it. Aren’t they just silly?” I was speaking a little odd when I said that.

Jennifer sighed. “I don’t think ... at least I hope not ... neither one of these angels are going to respond to you right now, Daddy. You’re going to save the world in spite of itself, I think.” She laughed then. “Sorry, we were a little busy while you were gone, so Beth and Dora were just replaying some of your visit to Area 51 for us.”

Marcia sneezed then, dislodging Abigail. She took a moment to put her back in place, then said, “Okay, this is ridiculous. Can you do something constructive with that?” She nodded her head to the forest of blooms filling half the room.

“Are there any of them in here you want to keep?” I asked.

“The ones from Uncle Charlie and Jill. You ought to read the card that came with that one. It’s so sweet. The ones from Cris and his ladies, and Hugo and family. That’s all I care about,” Marcia said.

“There’s one from Hutchinson School Corporation, and one from Uncle Thaddeus and Aunt Lizzie. Oh, and the one from the PGA. The rest of them can go away as far as I’m concerned,” Jennifer said.

Hannah nodded. “There are a lot of other patients in this hospital and some nearby retirement communities. I’ll get the rest and anything further sent somewhere else.”

“Just curious on my part. Is this common, or something that’s expected?” I asked.

“Yes, but not to this level. I think we’re at almost two hundred deliveries so far today according to one of the nurses. Jennifer’s famous for her golfing victories, I’m known throughout Hollywood due to Dad and all my non-related family members. We’re both your wives, and you’re famous to the world governments, so we’ve gotten flowers from at least forty or fifty of those, too. We’ll keep the cards so we can send thank you notes and just share the flowers.”

I looked at the babies again, my heart full of love almost to bursting. “Yeah, bunch of silly people.”

Monday’s breakfast went by too quickly for me, mostly because I had to be at the football stadium at eight. The girls were all up as well, as they had to go to Stanford for the first day of their summer athletic camps.

Coach Elway was waiting for us at the stadium. Assistant coaches were there to check our names off the list and have us take seats in one section of the bleachers.

“Gentlemen, welcome to the first official day of practice for the 1985 Stanford Cardinal. I’m quite glad to see so many of you appear to be in good physical shape. It seems that all of you have been working out since the start of the year. You’ll need to be in shape. I have one goal this year. That means these eight men standing behind me that are my assistant coaches have one goal this year. That means the forty-five of you have one goal this year! Including a post-season bowl game, you will play seven hundred and twenty minutes of football. Our one goal is that at the end of those seven hundred and twenty minutes, there will be no doubt in anyone’s mind that the Stanford Cardinal is the best football team in the nation!”

That got the roar of applause from us that he intended.

“Now. How will we get there? Over the course of the next seven weeks, you will learn how to walk, talk, run, pass, block, and execute plays the Stanford way! Is that clear?”

“YES, COACH!” we all yelled.

That caused him to chuckle a little. “So much for my Warren Oates impersonation. I was hoping to catch you all like I did last year. I presume the word got around.” He looked surprised when several players shook their heads. He pointed at Greg Baty. “Explain.”

Greg stood up, and in a loud enough voice, said, “Coach! There are forty-five of us in the stands today that are ready to wear the Cardinal. Forty-four of us have been working our asses off to make sure that we’re ready, not just athletically, but also scholastically. The only one that hasn’t is the reason the rest of us have been working out. We already know that he’s going to give us his best efforts for those twelve games. We’re damned sure going to do the same, to uphold the traditions of Stanford, and the only way to do that was to be as ready for today as we could be!”

Elway had a clipboard in his hand. It apparently held the motivational speech he’d been ready to give, because he simply pulled the papers off, then stepped over to a nearby trash can and tossed them in. After that, he took his place in front of us again.

“Gentlemen, three of my assistant coaches are new this year and have not attended any of our unofficial functions at Moffett Field. Everyone else is a returning member of my coaching staff. I think that we should make a point this morning before we split up into groups. Mister Paye, will you please step down here? Coach Yulovich, toss Mister Paye a football. Thank you. Mister Paye, will you please throw that football as hard as you possibly can at Mister Pashtar?”

“Uh, Coach...” John said.

“Ah, a simple demonstration,” Sayel said. “Of course, Coach Elway. Proceed, Mister Paye.” He stepped slightly to one side of my group of guards.

John nodded, then tossed a perfect spiral at Sayel at full speed from twenty yards. Sayel waited until the ball was closer, then drew his sword, swung it carefully, slicing the football in half lengthwise. He then sheathed his sword again. Jeremy picked the pieces up and carried them back over to Coach Elway. Sayel had managed to catch the football just off the seams and sliced it with such speed that it hadn’t continued to rotate in the spiral; it was a straight slice.

Elway took the pieces of football and handed them to the assistant coaches so they could all look at them.

“Thank you, Mister Paye, Mister Pashtar. Those of you who have not witnessed Mister Pashtar in action before ... the rumors are quite true. Gentlemen, let’s make sure that you all act and remain that way, as gentlemen, and that includes all members of my coaching staff. Now, that’s enough on that. Coach Yulovich is the offensive line coach. Coach Lubick is new this year and has outside linebackers. Coach Baldwin has the wide receivers. Coach Walsh has running backs. Coach Mannini is the defensive coordinator and defensive line coach. Coach Gilmette is new this year and has linebackers. Coach Kofler is also new here this year and has both tight ends and the defensive line. Coach Samuel has the defensive line. All right, out of the stands! Defense over there, offense over here, and let’s get this practice underway!”

We quickly scrambled down from the bleachers. I’d met the other three quarterbacks at different times during the year, so they weren’t strangers to me. John led us over to where Coach Elway was waiting with Coaches Baldwin and Walsh.

Our six running backs, five wide receivers, and three tight ends joined us.

“Gentlemen, congratulations on making it this far. This morning we’re going to check out just exactly how in shape you really are. You’re all supposed to be stretched and ready to go when you get to practice. I want twelve laps around the track. Oh, and Mister Lewis? John Ely ratted you out. I hope you’re feeling good this morning, because there’s no dogging it!”

“I don’t suppose I could bribe all of you with bubble gum cigars, could I? Jennifer and Marcia had their babies on Saturday, so I’m a little tired.”

That got a laugh from all three coaches. Dave Baldwin said, “Congratulations! Now, get your ass out there. I believe you’re the one who told his team that there’s four quarters in a football game, so the reason you practice is so you won’t be tired during that last quarter. Let’s see you prove that you’re still capable of performing when you’re tired!”

I snapped my fingers. “Oh, well, I tried. Sorry, guys. I knew I shouldn’t have shown off a little.”

Elway chuckled. “At least I’m not going to make you carry me around the track to prove yourself. Get lined up. Ready? GO!”

Thirteen minutes later I finished my twelve laps. There were assistants with Gatorade for us to drink. I took one and drank it. It took a couple more minutes for everyone else to finish, with the tight ends being the last ones done. That was understandable, because their primary job was to block, so they had to be bigger men. At the same time, they also had to have the hands to be able to catch a pass, too.

Elway frowned a little. “I thought I told you no dogging it.”

I shook my head. “Coach, this out here, what I do on this field? This is me, what I’m capable of doing on my own. Once I’m off this field? That’s a totally different situation. I’m certain there’ve been enough rumors floating around campus about me being able to do ... well, all sorts of stuff.”

He lowered his voice and pulled me aside. “Not just you. I was there the night one of your wives put everyone under the table by winning the arm wrestling and drinking contest. I had halfway convinced myself I’d had too much to drink and didn’t see another of your wives that’s also a student here nearly drown the band by walking on the water of San Francisco Bay. Then when John sobered up on Monday after your party, he told me about you carrying him around your airfield and setting a world record time. I’ve honestly been considering cutting you from the football roster, because I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a cheater.”

He looked back at where everyone else was gathered around, a couple of the guys still bent over and catching their breath, but otherwise pretty well recovered.

“What do you think I should do?” he asked.

“You’re liable to think I’m name dropping when I say this, but I really did have almost this same conversation with President Reagan. There’s a reason I won’t play individual sports. Jennifer won the Master’s Tournament for professional golf. I’m better than she is. Track and Field? Don’t make me laugh. Wrestling or boxing? Coach, I have killed a man with my bare hands before, when it was either kill or be killed. This?” I waved at the field. “I told the Coaches that first day of try-outs, and I think Coach Walsh will remember. I can’t do everything out there, it takes all twenty-two of us that are on the field to win the game. We’re a team out there. I don’t have to do anything special when I’m on the field. I can be myself, and if I happen to motivate the rest of the team to be themselves, to push themselves past what they think they can do, then that means I’ve helped make them better people.” I paused for just a second, with Elway nodding.

“Again, this? This is, ultimately, a game. It’s a fun game, and one I enjoy playing, because it lets me ... just be me, without any stress at all. I told the Salthawks that my goal was to sit on the sidelines and flirt with my girls, because I wanted them to be good enough to play and to win without me on the field. That didn’t happen very often, but when it did, well ... that’s when I felt like I won. Not because everyone that was a senior gets to play in a Division One school, but because I also know they’re going to get an education at that school, no matter what the football coach wants. They’re my family. So are these guys.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re infuriating and a pain in the ass?”

“Yes, frequently. That list includes Federation President Mondale,” I said with a grin.

“Good.” He led me back over to the group. “Now that you ladies have finished getting your breath back from that short jog ... I know that all of you have read our playbook from last year. Pretend that there’s a window here. I have just been reassured by Mister Lewis that it’s okay to pitch that one out the window. From your perspective, that’s a good thing, because that means Dave can actually pass out the pile of folders on that table. Gentlemen, get your new 1985 Stanford Cardinal playbook and let’s get started.”

I was surprised that the first thing we started learning was how to huddle the same way every single time. I never realized until seeing it on paper this way just how slack we’d been in high school. Doing it this way actually made sense though, as repetition breeds familiarity so that it becomes muscle memory. We were going to go for a quick in and out tempo for the huddle. The basic offensive line of the guards, tackle, and center would always line up with their backs to the line of scrimmage and the ball, with the center in the middle. Opposite them would be the other five players, with the quarterback filling the hole to the bench side.

After I’d had a few minutes of practice at this, the other three quarterbacks got some time practicing it as well. I took that time to read and study the two hundred sixty page playbook, then put it down.

“Do you have an issue with the playbook, Lewis?” Coach Baldwin asked.

“No, Coach! It’s a lot bigger than the one I used in high school, is all.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. What’d you have, thirty plays, total?”

“About that. A lot of times I’d just tell the guys what to do and if we were going right or left. That kept it simple. We didn’t even really huddle that much, more or less just grouped up and I’d say thirty-five left, on two, and we’d do it.”

He nodded. “We know. We’ve all watched your game films, even the ones when you either rode the bench or weren’t there. Your teammates played the same, either way. I can’t say that you didn’t have a better high school team than some lower level college teams; you did. But you wouldn’t have stood a chance against any Division One team. It may not make much of a difference to a girl, but here on the field, size matters.”

“I think we were remarkably lucky to not have anyone seriously hurt,” I said.

“We’ve got trainers to help with that. This is the first time I can remember that the entire team showed up in shape on the first day of practice, too. We normally don’t start rehearsing plays until next month, because the first month is usually spent simply getting everyone into field shape.”

Our conversation was cut short by Coach Elway blowing his whistle. “All right, gather round. Has everyone had a chance to look through the new playbook?”

“YES, COACH!”

“Good. Turn to page forty-one, and let’s get to practicing learning these formations!”

We spent the rest of the morning learning the break from huddle and the first twelve formations. After lunch, we started doing conditioning drills and exercises. One of the trainers came out while we were doing push-ups and spoke to Coach Elway.

“Lewis!”

I sprang to my feet and ran over. “COACH!”

“You missed your physical on Friday!”

“Honestly didn’t know I needed to have one or had one scheduled, Coach.”

He took in a breath, then let it back out. “That’s probably on us. You’re not in the dorms and I haven’t heard you’ve been to the locker room for your uniform fitting, now that I think about it. We just told you to show up for practice and you did. He’s all yours for the rest of the afternoon. Get his physical and get him fitted, and have him done by the team meeting after this practice.”

The trainer took off, with me running after him. Four minutes later, he pulled to a stop in the athletics office. “I found our wayward player, Doc.”

“I wondered if you would. Come on in, Son. I’m Doctor Wendt, athletics team doctor for all the male sports. Let’s make sure you’re the right person on the list. California Lewis, date of birth August 22^nd, 1968, it says here. Got a driver’s license or some kind of photo ID so I can verify things?”

“That’s me,” I said, pulling out my wallet and showing him my Kansas driver’s license.

“Damn. Not even seventeen yet.” He handed it back to me. “Looks like the figures on it are a little off. Let’s get your height and weight.” I stepped on the scales. “Six feet, two inches, and two twenty. Hop up here and let me listen to your heart.” He stuck his stethoscope on my chest and listened, then had me take several deep breaths.

“Okay, heart sounds normal, lungs clear. Let’s see you do some bends and stretches now, for range of motion. Yep, just like that, thank you. I don’t see anything on here; what illnesses did you have as a child?”

“Um, none. Actually never been sick a day in my life.”

“Oh. That’s a little unusual.” He flipped through some of the pages. “Um, I’m looking at your high school record. It shows you were home schooled for the most part, is that right?” At my nod, he said, “The reason I ask is that there’s something I don’t see in here, and that’s your childhood immunization records. To enroll in a public school, you would have had to have those shots as a child. I don’t see a record of you ever having an MMR or DTP, not even a polio vaccination.”

I frowned, then nodded. “I can see where the confusion comes from. All of my records were lost in the fire that killed my parents. There should be the formal legal notice of that in there somewhere, along with the attestation by the court that while actual dates are no longer available, all medically necessary procedures shall be assumed to have been performed.”

He continued looking through things. “Ah, that’s what this is, then. Apologies, I have to look through so many new records over the course of the year that sometimes I don’t see everything. Obviously, returning athletes are a bit different, since we have everything on them. I will need you to pee in a cup, so I can screen for ketones and proteins. You may not know, but athletes process things a bit differently, due to the amount of exercise you do. We monitor that because of your metabolisms, as well as the possible damage to your kidneys from injury. Speaking of injuries, any broken bones or other injuries?”

“Um, no.”

He leaned back. “Your hesitation and thought in that makes me think there’s something. Go ahead, this is covered under doctor-patient privacy.”

“It’s not so much that, as I was debating whether or not two bruised ribs and some cuts to the mouth and ear would count, because those are the only major physical injuries I’ve had that I can remember. I don’t think being poisoned counts as an injury, especially since they got the antidote to me in plenty of time.”

He laughed. “No, poisoning doesn’t count, unless it messed you up internally. Bruised ribs and cuts sound like a nice fistfight, basically. Since I didn’t see anything, I presume that was long enough ago things healed up otherwise?”

I nodded. “Yeah, it was between Christmas and New Years.”

“Ah, yes. Holiday parties do sometimes tend to get out of control. Any trips out of the country within the last year?”

I snorted.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Mexico for vacations?”

“I wish. Japan, China, India, Saudi Arabia, Germany, and England in January, Switzerland in April, Nepal last month, and Switzerland again two weeks ago.”

“World traveler, eh? That seems excessive.”

“Part and parcel of things for me, Doctor Wendt.”

“Okay. I’ll have to check for exposure to certain diseases, due to your travels. Any exposure to sexually transmitted diseases?”

That time I grinned. “Nope, and no chance for them. I’m faithful.”

“Okay. I’ve heard that one before. Is your girlfriend enrolled here?”

“Who has time for a girlfriend? I’ve got seventeen wives.”

He blinked. “Excuse me? You’re not even seventeen years old, and you have seventeen wives?”

I raised my voice a little. “Jeremy, do you have my passport on you?”

He stepped in. “No, but you’ve got your new Federation ID card. Sorry, Doc, no disease or pee tests for His Majesty. Before you ask, yes, it’s legitimate. Don’t you have your Stanford ID on you, too?”

I pulled both of them out and showed them to Doctor Wendt. “I didn’t even think about that, but you’re probably right. I didn’t have an objection to them, but with all the new rules and such, they’re really not necessary.”

“Is this some kind of joke?” Wendt asked. “You’re not a student here!”

“I’m now considered a graduate student, with full NCAA eligibility since I just graduated from high school in December. Stanford didn’t give me my first doctorate until the end of spring quarter.”

“JESUS!” He reached over on his desk, picked up a rubber stamp, and slammed it on my folder. In big letters, it read ‘PASSED.’ “Get out of my sight.”

The trainer was waiting outside the room. “How pissed off is Wendt?”

“I suspect he’s had better days,” I replied.

“Sorry, but this was just too good of a chance to pass up. We legitimately forgot about you needing a physical, and if what just happened had been on physical Friday, he’d have flunked half the guys just because he’s a crotchety old bastard. I’m Marty Banning, by the way. I help with individualized training. Normally, I may end up with half a dozen or so players that actually seek me out, so I can come up with plans to help them improve to their maximum potential. This year, it’s forty-four.”

I frowned. “I thought we only had forty-five players?”

“We do. You’re the only one that hasn’t come to me for help in getting into shape or creating a diet plan or special exercises. Mind you, nobody ever comes to me before the season starts, it’s always after the first couple of practices have kicked their asses. I had half the team looking for my help by the end of January, the rest of them by the end of February. Come on, let’s get you suited up.”

I followed him through some tunnels and then up some stairs to the equipment room, as it was in a different building. We walked in with Marty yelling out, “SERVICE! Come on, we need some help here!”

“Fuck you, Banning! What’s up?”

“Cal, this is Keith Weathers, he’s our equipment manager. Keith, this is our wayward quarterback. Turns out we all forgot he doesn’t live in the dorms or one of the frats and wouldn’t have seen any of the posts in the training room, since he doesn’t train with us.”

“Good. That actually makes sense. I was a little concerned that I’d had all these jerseys printed up and then no one to give them to.” He turned and pulled one off the shelf, tossing it to me. I caught it and held it up. It wasn’t just red, it was cardinal red, with the number 8 on the front and back, and LEWIS on the back above the numbers.

“That’s actually one of your practice jerseys. Come on, get back here and let’s get you in pads, so I can make sure everything you’ll need for the games is the right size. One nice thing is I don’t have to worry about getting you different jerseys for practice. You’ll only wear cardinal red until the last week of practice.”

“Oh? Why?”

He sounded surprised. “They didn’t do that for your high school? Red jerseys for the quarterbacks, as a warning to the defense to not hit them or tackle them?”

“Ah, I see. No. If they could tackle me, then they deserved to be able to do so. It’s not like it ever really happened,” I said.

Marty chuckled, then said, “I’ve seen your game tapes. Many, many times. Keith, make sure you find him a helmet that’s jumbo super extra large, so his ego can fit into it with his head.” From his tone of voice, it was obvious he was joking. Then he changed back to a normal tone. “In all seriousness, I watched people bounce off you in game play and saw you stiff arm players down to the ground. I also watched you cut the head off that pig, too. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you look, which is deceptive for the other teams we’ll go up against. All the other quarterbacks will wear red jerseys, so they don’t get hurt. You don’t suppose our esteemed asshole opponents might think it odd if you didn’t do the same?”

“Unfortunately, that makes way too much sense,” I said.

They had a better selection of pads and gear than we had at Hutchinson. He measured my feet for shoes, and had me try on four different pairs before settling on one style. “Where do I go to get these?”

“Excuse me?”

“Is there a specific store I need to go to purchase these?” I asked.

Keith laughed, then yelled, “Hey, Marty! Freshman orientation time!”

Marty had been in an outer room, doing some paperwork. He put that down and came in. “Freshman orientation time?” he asked, a puzzled look on his face. Then he smacked himself on the forehead. “I’m an idiot. I was laughing at how Doc Wendt reacted to Cal and forgot myself that Cal doesn’t know any better. Cal, Stanford is a private institution. That means we’re basically self-supporting. There are all sorts of research grants and such that help pay for things on the education side. Over here on the athletics side, we’re well taken care of. Obviously, football is king here, even over basketball.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m the King here, remember?”

Keith shook his head. “God, I think I do need that big helmet for you.”

Marty laughed, saying, “Keith, for Cal it’s not a joke. He’s a real King. You should’ve been to the Fourth of July Party, when his Gurkha warriors were showing off their skills with the big ass knives they use. That’s almost certainly why he doesn’t know, because most high schools make their players buy certain things. Cal, literally from your cup out, everything will be provided for you by the athletics department. That even includes your mouthpiece.”

“Oh. I know that stuff can get expensive. I gave my high school team a donation for new gear and it was over a hundred thousand to equip them.”

Keith blinked. “Remind me to put you on our Christmas card list, if you can make that big of a donation.”

I laughed. “Well, I’ve got my own chemistry and biology lab here that cost me twenty million so far, so if we can write it off on our taxes, that’ll be fine.”

“Christ on a crutch, you can donate that much? Are you sure you’re only sixteen?”

That made me laugh even more. “Keith, I own three Boeing 747s, and I’ve got two doctorates from here so far. I see you’ve got pictures of my wives on your wall over there. That’s why we had them taken, so people could appreciate their beauty.”

“I need a drink,” Keith said.

Marty laughed as he said, “You don’t drink!”

“I know.”

The team meeting after practice was simply to make sure that we all knew we were required to be at the practice field every morning at eight, and to not plan on getting out of there before four in the afternoon. Since we weren’t going to have to work on people getting into shape to play, we were going to work on them tweaking their performances. We’d also start running plays tomorrow, so we’d have time to get the whole playbook memorized before the season started.