Chapter 11

Magus shouted, “Claudia!”

There was no answer. Magus hit his forehead with the palm of his hand about the same time that Stephen shouted, “She’s on her honeymoon.”

“I keep forgetting that she’s on her honeymoon,” Magus mumbled. “Titus!”

“What?” Stephen yelled.

“You get the next client!” Magus yelled.

“Okay!” Stephen yelled.

A portly man walked into Stephen’s office. The top of his head was completely bald, but he had full hair around the sides. He sat down and folded his hands across his belly. Looking as if he was unsure about being there, he said, “I have a problem.”

“Before we get to your problem, there is a small matter of the fee,” Titus said.

“How much?” the man asked biting his lower lip.

Titus explained the fee structure and got a crisp ten dollar bill. Once he had filled out a receipt, he asked, “What is your problem?”

“It is kind of embarrassing,” the man answered.

Titus said, “That’s okay. We are very discreet here.”

“My wife caught me wearing her dress. She wants to divorce me,” the man said. He looked at Titus as if he expected to be beaten about the head and shoulders.

“Why does your wife want to divorce you?” Titus asked.

The man stared at Titus and then answered, “She caught me wearing her dress.”

“Did you damage it?” Titus asked.

“No,” the man answered.

“Did you look better in it than she does?” Titus asked.

“Are you making fun of me?”

Titus said, “No. She could be upset that you look better in her clothes than she does.”

“Oh,” the man said.

Titus said, “Of course, that wouldn’t necessarily lead to a divorce. I mean, a shopping trip could probably solve that problem. Can you tell me more about why she’s divorcing you?”

The man answered, “She wants to divorce me because she thinks I’m crazy.”

“Just a minute ago you were trying to blame it on the dress,” Titus said.

“She says that a man who likes to wear dresses is crazy.”

“Why would she call someone crazy just because their fashion sense doesn’t agree with hers?” Titus asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t think she thinks of it that way. I know that I didn’t think of it that way,” the man said.

“How long have you been married?”

The man answered, “Over twenty years.”

“You’ve been married that long. I find that interesting. Do you want a divorce?” Titus said.

“No. I love my wife,” the man answered.

“We’ve already established that she wants a divorce so there’s no need to ask about that. How long have you been wearing dresses?” Titus asked.

“Since I was a teenager. I used to sneak into my sister’s room and try on her clothes.”

Titus said, “That’s quite a while. How have you managed to avoid having your wife see you do that for so long?”

“I used to travel occasionally for my job. I’d get into a new town and buy some clothes to wear around the hotel room. I’d throw them away before going home,” the man answered.

Titus said, “I guess catching you wearing her dress came as a complete surprise to her.”

“Yes.”

“How often would you like to wear dresses?” Titus asked.

“What do you mean?” the man asked.

“Would you like to wear a dress every day or would once a week, once a month, a couple times a year, or once a year suffice,” Titus asked.

“I’d be happy with once a month,” the man answered.

Titus rummaged in his drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper. He put it into an envelope. He pulled out a couple of business cards and dropped them into the envelope. Pushing the envelope across the desk, Titus said, “Here’s your solution.”

“What is it?” the man asked.

“You need to visit a marriage counselor who deals with issues like this. I’ve included the business cards of several eminently qualified individuals,” Titus answered.

“She barely talks to me. How am I to convince her to go there?”

Titus said, “You have to point out to her that she may have overlooked all of the benefits of being married to a man who likes to wear dresses.”

“Benefits?”

Titus said, “Sure. Just think of how much easier it will be for her to go shopping for presents for you. No longer will she have to journey to the hardware store and face a confusing array of tools she can’t name and doesn’t know what they do. She can go to her favorite dress store and browse merchandise that she understands and appreciates.”

“I never thought about that.”

Titus said, “There are other benefits of her having discovered this passion of yours.”

“What?”

Titus said, “After being married for twenty years, I’m sure that you two were running out of things to discuss around the dinner table. Now, you have a whole new subject area to discuss. You both even have an interest in it. Talk about the chances of reestablishing communications late in a marriage, you couldn’t ask for something better.”

“That’s true.”

“I’m sure that when she thinks about it that she’s liable to come to the same conclusion as you,” Titus said.

“Thanks,” the man said. He picked up the envelope and left the office.

Titus watched man walk out the door and then started to write down his notes about the visit. Magus stepped in the office and said, “You handled that pretty well.”

“Thank you,” Stephen said turning around to look at Magus.

Magus asked, “How hard was it not to laugh?”

“It wasn’t hard at all. I read some of your past cases like you told me to do. I read one of your cross-dressing cases and realized that it wasn’t all that uncommon. I didn’t expect a case like that to come in so soon, but I was ready,” Stephen answered. He was pretty sure that if he hadn’t read that earlier case that he would have burst out laughing.

Magus said, “You did miss something important.”

“What?”

“You didn’t ask him if he wanted to have sex with men,” Magus said.

“It didn’t cross my mind,” Stephen said.

Magus said, “You will want to ask that next time. It can make a difference in what constitutes a good solution.”

“I can see that,” Stephen said.

“You did such an excellent job on that case that I’ll let you have the next one,” Magus said.

“Thanks,” Stephen said feeling pretty smug.

Magus had no sooner stepped out of the office when the man who had just left returned. Surprised, Stephen asked, “Did you forget something?”

“I don’t think so. Was I supposed to bring something with me?” the man asked.