Chapter 29

Titus sat back in his chair staring at the wall on which was projected his notes concerning his next appointment. There was absolutely nothing in those notes that gave him a clue regarding the problem being brought to him. If there was a person who defined moderation, then Charlie Black was it. He couldn’t imagine a more boring life. He pushed the button on his desk to lower the desktop and turn off the projector.

“Titus!” Irene shouted.

“What?” Titus shouted.

“You’re appointment is here!” Irene shouted.

“Send him in,” Titus shouted.

A middle aged man entered his office while rubbing his ear. He asked, “Can’t you afford an intercom?”

“We have one,” Titus answered.

“Why don’t you use it?” Charlie asked.

“We prefer to shout,” Titus replied.

“It is not very professional,” Charlie said.

“I think you’ll find that we are very professional in what we do,” Titus said. He pointed to a chair and said, “Have a seat.”

“Thanks,” Charlie said.

Titus said, “Before we get to your problem, there is the matter of payment. Ten dollars and a favor for the first solution and add a zero for each solution after that, but no further favors.”

Charlie pulled out a ten dollar bill and handed it over to Titus. Titus handed him a receipt for the ten dollars and then asked, “What is your problem?”

“I’m bored,” Charlie answered.

Titus asked, “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an accountant,” Charlie answered.

“Do you like your job?” Titus asked.

“It’s okay,” Charlie answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Do you make good money?” Titus asked.

“Good enough. I don’t have any debts,” Charlie answered. “Well, we have a mortgage on our house, but the payment isn’t too high.”

Titus asked, “Do you have any hobbies?”

“No.”

Titus asked, “I understand that you have a wife and two kids.”

“Yes. I’ve been married for twenty years,” Charlie said.

“Do the kids get into any trouble?” Titus asked.

“No,” Charlie answered. “They’re good kids. They make As and Bs in school.”

“Things are good with your wife?”

“Yes,” Charlie answered.

“How about in the bedroom,” Titus asked.

Looking around a little nervously, Charlie answered, “We have sex twice a week.”

“Anything kinky?” Titus asked.

“No,” Charlie answered. “We’re strictly vanilla.”

Titus asked, “Where did you go for your last vacation?”

“We went to Rat World. When you have kids, your choices of vacation spots are kind of limited. You have to go places they enjoy,” Charlie answered.

Titus said, “Let me make sure that I have a good understanding of your life. You have an okay job. You have no debts. You have a reasonable mortgage on your house. You have a wife with whom you are still having satisfactory sexual relations. You have two kids who don’t cause you any trouble. You take sedate vacations. Is that about it?”

“Yes,” Charlie answered. “That sounds pretty boring, doesn’t it?”

“There are a lot of people who would envy you,” Titus said.

“I guess,” Charlie said. “I just want a little excitement in my life.”

Titus asked, “Do you want a girlfriend on the side?”

“No,” Charlie answered shocked by the suggestion. He declared, “I love my wife.”

“I wouldn’t discount the suggestion right off the bat. A psychopathic girlfriend can add a lot of excitement to your life. There aren’t too many things more exciting than waking up in the middle of the night only to discover a crazed woman standing over you with a knife in her hand.”

“I’d rather not,” Charlie said with a frown.

“How about a trip to a war zone?” Titus asked.

“No,” Charlie answered.

Titus said, “There are a couple of really good wars going on at the moment. You could have your choice of where to go. Getting shot at can really get the old adrenaline pumping.”

“That’s not for me,” Charlie said. “I don’t want to get killed.”

“I didn’t think so,” Titus said. “What you really want is a little adventure without danger.”

“I definitely don’t want to die,” Charlie said.

Titus asked, “What was the most exciting thing that has happened to you in the past year?”

“I almost got a speeding ticket. I drove right by a policeman. Luckily he must have looking the other way,” Charlie answered.

Titus asked, “How fast were you going?”

“I was doing sixty eight in a sixty five mile per hour zone,” Charlie answered.

“That’s really pushing it,” Titus said.

Charlie said, “What can I say? I’m a law abiding citizen.”

Titus pulled out a large envelope and rummaged through his desk drawer. He pulled out a couple of brochures, papers, and business cards. He stuffed them into the envelope before handing it to Charlie. With a smile on his face, he said, “There you go.”

“What’s this?” Charlie asked.

“That’s the solution to your problem,” Titus said.

Charlie asked, “What is it?”

“Inside that envelope you will find brochures for summer camps for your two kids. You’ll want to ship them off while you are having the adventure of a lifetime. You will also find a sheet of websites to adventure filled vacations for you and your wife. You know, vacations including activities like white water rafting, archeological digs, or a stay at a dude ranch. I would suggest you consider the race car driving school,” Titus answered.

“Race car driving school?” Charlie asked looking very surprised.

Titus said, “I thought that might be of interest to you.”

“I never thought about that,” Charlie said. “No speed limits. I kinda like the idea of that.”

Titus said, “You could end the course with a little race between you and your wife. A little side bet could add a little adventure to your bedroom, too.”

“Hmm,” Charlie said.

Titus said, “The nice thing about this solution is that you can use it every year. This summer you could try race car driving. Next summer, you could try white water rafting.”

“Aren’t vacations supposed to be relaxing?” Charlie asked.