A True History - Book Five
Prologue

Copyright© 2022 by StarFleet Carl

Alternate universes exist. I know that, and some of our scientists have proven it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I know this because there are alternate versions of me out there, with variations to my powers and skills. Some of them are, politely, lame people. Some of them are megalomaniacs. I’m somewhere in between.

This is the fifth volume of my autobiography. If you haven’t read the first four volumes, I highly recommend it. I think the author’s a nice guy. If you don’t have time, you should make some, because otherwise this book is going to be REALLY confusing.

Oh, and if you have read the other four books, you’ll find the stuff about the first three books is exactly the same as in Book Four, so you can miss a few pages until you get to the synopsis of Book Four. Or refresh your memory, although I think spending some time re-reading the first four books is time well spent.


A brief (!) synopsis of Book One:

I was born on a planet twenty-seven light years from Earth. I’ve tried to convert things into common Earth measurements, based upon the area of Earth where I ... finished growing up, basically. So, inches, pounds, feet, miles. I screwed up several times in converting things, including my initial age. My planet had a year equivalent to 443 Earth days. A rogue white dwarf star got too close to my home planet, my parents stuffed me into an experimental rocket ship, I spent some time in suspended animation, and crash landed just outside of Hutchinson, Kansas, in late August of 1984.

While I’m just as human as everyone else, I have a vestigial organ, meaning one that’s like the appendix. It’s there, we just don’t know why. Under proper radiation, such as from Earth’s Sun, I ended up with a lot of abilities that no one ever had at home. Speed, the power of flight, microscopic, telescopic, and some kind of laser vision, and skin basically invulnerable to normal damage, like being shot with a gun – or a cannon.

I also ended up with something else that I didn’t have at home, and that’s a girlfriend. Yes, I was both single and a virgin at home. The daughter of the farmer that owned the mine I’d crashed in took care of both of those. All farmer’s daughter jokes aside, they could have turned me in to the government, and they didn’t. Beth fell in love with me and Harry, her father, had slightly ambiguous morals. Beth figured that I could become the big man at her school, and the kids there wouldn’t treat her like they had been. Net result is I found some buried Spanish treasure, and we sold some of it for a lot of money.

Enter into my life Judge Elroy T. Bannister.

Elroy and Harry’s father had served in World War Two together. Elroy came home with a LOT of money, used it to help improve the city, and set himself up as the feudal baron of Reno County, Kansas. Over the thirty-nine years since the end of World War Two, Elroy had grown in power such that the Governor, both Senators, and all of the State representatives from both parties owed him their jobs.

Elroy is an honest politician. That means when he is bought, he stays bought. So I gave him a ‘campaign contribution’ and gifted him with a couple pounds of gold. Yes, I said pounds, not ounces. I’d found a lot of treasure. Elroy greased the wheels, got me the needed paperwork, and set my age at sixteen, so I could enroll in school.

Remember I said I lost my virginity? So did Beth, to me. We found out that my sperm can ‘jump start’ certain abilities in Earth girls, as Beth and I ended up mentally linked.

I found I could move faster than a speeding bullet when the Vice-Principal at school went psycho and tried to kill Beth and me. He would have died if a policeman hadn’t had a tracheotomy kit. Oh, and we were fine, I simply caught the bullets.

Because Elroy had made everything show that I’d been home schooled, I didn’t think about trying out for football. I was going to go out for basketball later on, though. The Principal had other ideas, took me to see the Coach, and had me try out. Even without using any of my powers and abilities, I was in great physical shape. Earth is a smaller planet than my home world, so gravity is slightly less here. That meant I naturally am a darned good athlete – such that I ended up Varsity Quarterback. Our team had been known as a perennial middle of the road losing team. This year, the Salthawks were going to be a little different.

Beth had two lifelong friends that also quickly became my girlfriends and lovers. The three of them had been outcasts, so a racist football player took exception to that. He found out that punching a concrete block wall isn’t good, and got kicked out. The father of another student decided I wasn’t going to come in and take over his football team, and attacked me. I simply held him until the police showed up, and they took care of that ... permanently.

Harry hooked back up with his old girlfriend, Emily. She worked at the bank, and helped me with the literally hundreds of millions of dollars of treasure I’d found. That also helped take care of Eve and Dora’s parents objections.

I was raised under a different moral and ethical code than any that existed on Earth, so when Eve’s brother was injured in a terrorist attack while serving as a US Marine in Beirut, Lebanon, I reacted as I felt I should. That meant I killed a lot of terrorists in Beirut and in their sponsor nation of Iran.

We’d won three football games by this point. Harry and Emily decided to get married, so we had their wedding between a JV and Varsity game, then they went on a romantic honeymoon. Elroy tried to be sneaky and set me up with some investment people that included his own niece, Margie. She had an MBA from Wharton and was 25 years old. She also had an issue, in that she was so smart men didn’t interest her. Until she met me. Literally two hours after meeting her, she was in the barn hayloft with me, losing her own virginity with men, fell in love with me, and was moving in with us that night.

The third war buddy of Harry’s dad and Elroy was Federal Judge Earl O’Connor. With Harry’s dad having been dead for a long time, Earl and Elroy were both thinking of retiring. With my money, I could help Reno County and Kansas like he had been doing, especially if I was also investing theirs as well. Elroy’s daughters weren’t his kids, as Elroy was rendered sterile in the war. He only had Margie and Emily as his family to inherit, and Earl had no one because his son had died in Vietnam. They dumped it all onto me.

The only way to make sure any kids I might have would have a safe world to grow up in and live on was to end war. All of them. I created the Messenger from Above, went to Iran and Iraq, and pretty much destroyed most of their air forces and navies. I also left a mark in Switzerland, in front of their embassies, to end the fighting.

I’d been caught on camera, but I was wearing a costume that hid my face. I later found a proper uniform when exploring my spaceship’s capsule, so I wore that when I went to New York and left a mark in front of the UN Building. I made sure I had people to witness me flying, and using my laser vision. Iran and Iraq had already noted I blew up most of their militaries, and shooting me hadn’t done any good, either.

I came home, went with Margie to California and Washington to invest in Cisco and Microsoft, and pretty much showed off my computer skills. A young woman named Marcia that worked at Microsoft had a similar response to me that Margie did, so before long, I had five girlfriends living with me.

Eve’s father had a psychotic breakdown because he couldn’t handle that I had this much money. He ended up in the mental health lockdown unit at the hospital.

As the Messenger from Above, I destroyed the Afghanistan poppy fields and ordered the Soviet Army out. I then flew to Moscow, destroyed Lenin’s Tomb in four seconds flat, and told the head of the Soviet Union to tell Israel to plan for a meeting in Tel-Aviv between them and the leaders of the nations they were having issues with.

Syria decided they didn’t want to play, so I destroyed their infrastructure, including their hidden poison gas factories. I then showed the world leaders that the Messenger wasn’t playing games by crushing the gun of an assassin into a small cube, and then tossing him into the Mediterranean from three miles away. He skipped a couple of times before sinking.

I created a wind turbine that used magnetic bearings and a chemical my Dad had come up with for his rocket science. I wanted to help Hutchinson and Reno County, since under my code of ethics, this was my home and as the leader of the home, it was my job to care for everyone. I wanted those built and manufactured there.

Pakistan was still acting up, so I incinerated half their government and put Benazir Bhutto in charge. I also left a mark on the US Embassy there, as well as breaking the legs of all the CIA members present.

The local Baptist Preacher had been against my lifestyle for quite some time, even if I was the best high school quarterback in the country and helping the city, so he ended up attacking the girls and me. He confessed he’d been running a child molesting ring after he found out attacking me wasn’t bright, and I’d crushed his family jewels. That brought all sorts of attention to the town, so to help keep the negative publicity out of the national news, I visited China, threatened them, and then destroyed the North Korean military.

At one point, I picked up a Soviet destroyer from out of a North Korean Harbor where they’d been refueling while trying to comply with my orders, flew it through the air a few miles, then put it back down into the sea. That was on TV, showing that it wasn’t a good idea to screw with the Messenger.

It was time to deal with Washington, so I flew there as the Messenger. I found that I could speak with the souls of the dead that were inhabiting the Vietnam Memorial. I took President Reagan to the Wall, so he would hear and hopefully beat some sense in to Congress.

I met with people from Siemens AG, and they agreed to build a factory to make turbines in Hutchinson. Additional doses of my semen helped make all three of the younger girls much smarter, such that they were able to test out of the rest of high school, so they were starting community college with me. We all took the SAT and ACT tests, because I knew where I wanted to actually go to college.

Eve’s brother, SJ (Stephen, Junior), had been home on medical leave. He’d figured out that I was the Messenger. He thought I would kill him to protect my secret. I told him what I felt. Cal was me, and the Messenger was the secret identity. We had more money coming in, so I put SJ in charge of finding us some airplanes.

China decided that since the Messenger had said that each nation was in charge of its own borders that Taiwan was theirs, so they attacked. I showed them the error of their ways, destroying some of their attacking forces, then laying waste to about a ten mile wide swath of the country, killing more than ten million Chinese in a few seconds. I also destroyed their government. That’s when I flew to the Moon and sculpted the surface there with my mark in an attempt to convince to quit screwing around and listen to me.

After that, I talked to the government of Germany briefly, then flew home. That was just in time to fly in an airplane to California, to meet with the people from Intel about their computer chips, and meet the people of Stanford. I took the MCAT and LSAT, passed both of those with perfect scores, and we made arrangements to live there.

We also met Marcia’s attorney, Leonard Poulson. It turns out that he knew Elroy from after the war. And Marcia was already wealthy, because her father had been the best pyrotechnics man in Hollywood. Marcia had inherited his skills, too. After an evening dinner chatting with Charles Bronson, Jill Ireland, and Patrick Wayne, among others, we came back to Hutchinson. One of the things that Marcia had brought back to Kansas with her was some jewelry her father had found in a cave in Europe.

That jewelry contained gems from my home planet, and Dora’s mother being of Romany heritage and blood knew about them. Dora’s grandmother, Sophia was reported to be a witch, so it was decided there’d be a meeting. I also revealed to Dora’s parents, Roberto and Esmeralda, that I was the Messenger.

She called me the ‘Guardian from Earth’ and said I was the answer to a millennia old legend.

That’s the end of Book One. Pretty neat, huh? Don’t worry, it gets even more complex!


Now for the brief (!) synopsis of Book Two

So, I’m apparently the ‘Guardian of Earth’, which was some kind of Romany prophecy. At least they didn’t freak out about it. The freak out happened when Elroy explained the secret that he and Earl had both been investigating attorneys for the Warren Commission in trying to find out the truth about the JFK assassination. Elroy retired out of the Army not as a Staff Sergeant, like everyone thought, but as a Lieutenant General, and Earl got out as a Brigadier General. But the freaking out wasn’t over yet. Jennifer had an aggressive form of breast cancer, had already sort of fallen for me, and with her husband in jail from being a child molester, decided to have some fun in her life before cancer killed her. That fun involved five girls who were enhanced by me and as we’d found out before, a prostrate massage really stimulated me.

Jennifer got a DNA cleanse of her cancer, tubal ligation reversed and pregnant, and genetically reverted to Eve’s twin. We blamed it on an experimental cancer treatment that everyone in Hutchinson accepted. Toby recognized her immediately, even though Eve was with us. That was when we found out that Staff Sergeant Tobias Kennedy, USMC, and deceased for the last four years, was living on in Toby and helping his otherwise mentally challenged grandson. So pretty much anything we did was known to Tobias, and he helped Toby understand things. We started construction on the Ice-X plants, too.

As the MFA, I saved Indira Gandhi from being assassinated by her own guards and she decided to work peacefully to resolve issues with Pakistan. Since I had time, I stopped in Moscow on my way home. They surprised me by completely agreeing with me and working to help the Orthodox Church. Then I turned the CIA into a molten hole in the ground, since Congress didn’t listen to me. After that, I came back to Kansas and went trick or treating with Toby. Apparently, I made a good Khan in the actual outfit that Ricardo Montalbán wore in the Star Trek movie, so Toby got a lot of candy.

SJ and Elroy went to Seattle to check out an available 737-200. The Boeing engineers played with Ice-X and wanted thousands of gallons of it.

Dora’s grandmother, the witch, showed up from Mexico. As the ‘Queen of the Gypsies’, she had powers of her own, as well as devices that we found out came from my home planet. They were solid state computers that could do a lot of stuff, we found out; such as enhancing people and giving them my powers. The other thing we found I thought I’d been making stuff up. Some of it was, but not all of it. The Indian god Shiva actually was from my home planet.

I found a young lady for SJ, courtesy of my classes. We had groundbreaking for all the facilities and a Hollywood museum in honor of Marcia’s parents, followed by a presentation at the HCC arena and I interviewed with the Wall Street Journal. I found that I wasn’t operating in a vacuum, with the donations we’d made to the Marines Toys for Tots Program impressing a lot of people. That included those figuring out what to do with military equipment and bases they weren’t going to need anymore, because peace was breaking out. Net result of that was we started getting ‘toys’. Excess military hardware, like armored personnel carriers, jeeps, construction equipment, airplanes, helicopters, and both Fort Riley and Vance Air Force Base.

Marcia discussed things and stopped taking her birth control pills, so she quickly became pregnant. I started helping train Beth with her powers as best I could, since I was still learning about my own.

We found out that a pepper from India was effectively the same as one I used to eat on Star Home. That helped confirm our planet had colonized this planet more than two hundred thousand years ago. I trained Beth further, finding out more about the use of the devices.

As the MFA, I made a visit to the Vatican and was rude to the Pope, but he got a nice Christmas present later, so I considered that a wash. How nice, I didn’t know until MUCH later. I made his faith both stronger and weaker by confirming Jesus was real, but that he used devices from Star Home to perform his miracles. (I found out MUCH later a LOT more about Jesus, too, but ... that’s in Book Four.)

Then I visited London and found their Cenotaph held thousands of souls from soldiers that’d died serving King and Country. It was time for their Parliament to get its shit together, so I used my charms to persuade them, only killing one MP. I thought I’d give the American Congress the same message but they’d gone home. I was a bit upset about that and made a televised broadcast that got their attention. I did meet Walter Mondale, and since he’d volunteered, I officially made him my Ambassador and gave him the Mace I’d taken from England.

Beth led me to Australia, where we found Helen Awarai. Uluru, or as the White Man called it, Ayers Rock, was also a place where souls resided. They knew about Shiva, and were descended from people that had fought against him. We made arrangements to meet them at Disney World, after our state championship football game. After quite a bit of discussion, I upgraded Eve and Dora.

The UN started falling apart. The US Congress called hearings against President Reagan. Beth and I flew in, took a trip to the Capitol, I literally bashed some heads in, and presented evidence that Mycroft had found, showed there was a conspiracy to take over the country using assassinations and that certain Congressional leaders knew about it. That engendered even more trust and cooperation between the Soviet Union and the United States.

We won the state championship football game, then went to Disney World. We officially met Helen and her family, she got pregnant immediately, and I got to visit NASA, and explain about Ice-X to them. Earl and Elroy married Gloria, Helen’s mother, in a native ceremony.

I took Dora and Eve on a training mission. We found a few thousand pounds of Nazi gold and gems, which made Marcia upset, for obvious reasons. The newlywed group went to Australia to pick up Helen’s younger sister, Holly, who naturally has some of my powers. And has the soul of someone killed fighting Shiva living within her.

After Christmas, Jennifer and I went back to Florida, for the Wackenhut Security Christmas party. We met some of the people behind the conspiracy to kill the President. Our plan to take the person that they were trying to insert into our party and turn her into our agent worked too well, and Hannah Rothschild ended up falling in love with me. Jennifer and I won a golf game, which got her an invite to play in a PGA event, since I couldn’t due to NCAA rules. I ended up fighting against some assassins hired by an Arab banking sheikh to get out of paying off his son’s wager. I won, but I got injured myself.

The sheikh tried to poison us all, which turned out to be a fatal mistake for him, as the Saudi Crown Prince was eating with us as well. After that, Hannah’s father showed up and after an interesting confrontation with Elroy, Jennifer shot and killed him. The next day, we got to meet the King of Saudi Arabia, Jennifer, Hannah and I were made members of the Saudi Royal Family, and then we returned to Kansas, immediately leaving for the US – Mexico border.

I’d sensed trouble on Christmas, regarding our family that lived in Mexico. Something had been set into motion while Jennifer and I were in Florida, and we ended up rescuing about four thousand people. Hannah had not been made aware of the truth about me until that night. When she found out, she declared that I was her God.

That’s a VERY brief synopsis of Book Two, and completely skips over a lot of important stuff that you ought to go read, for the background information. I haven’t had a simple life by any means!


Now for something about Book Three.

Hannah found out I wasn’t a god, but I was in the KKK, because I was a wizard under the sheets. Oh, and she ended up pregnant, too.

The MFA went to Washington for a discussion at the White House, whereupon George Bush resigned and Jeane Kirkpatrick became the new Vice-President. We did some experiments with the stones and nearly killed Dora and Eve. I healed them, but with all of the evidence of what had happened being witnessed, I decided it was time to trust Mike Douglas with the truth.

It was time for our trip around the world, so we first went to Adak, Alaska. It was just supposed to be a refueling stop. Turns out Mount Moffett is like Uluru, and the Aleuts are like the Indigenous Australians in being survivors of Shiva. We found Carrie Holsinger to be just like Holly, in having a soul living within her, too. She became a part of our family then, coming with us. Next stop was Tokyo, where we signed agreements to make small nuclear reactors with a company there.

We left, with our refueling stop at Yinchuan, China, and we were the first western airplane to land there. I met a Colonel Shuren, and discussed their Tokamak reactor plans with him. They were impressed by how Ice-X had performed on our airplane. We left there and flew to New Delhi, finding a weird fishtail shaped mountain that gave off bad vibes as we flew over the Himalayas, and then finally landed, meeting Indira Gandhi.

Turns out that the Indians had legends of the shivalingam, which was their name for the devices. Also, the assassin I’d killed was actually a Prince, and in killing him, I inherited his estates, as well as all of his possessions. That included eight women he’d taken from different clan leaders and had made his slaves. I couldn’t figure out how to get the T-72 tank home.

We left India for Saudi Arabia, to discuss business with Prince Nayef. They had found a shivalingam while drilling for oil, and gave it to me. Hannah had been abused by the husband of one of the King’s sisters when she was younger, so after discussion of the Kingdom’s law, I dealt with him. Our next stop was Germany, where we met with Siemens and Thyssen AG, to discuss what we wanted them to build for Saudi Arabia.

Our last stop was supposed to be England, to get some of Hannah’s possessions. Her grandfather played games, and we ended up having to land at RAF Mildenhall instead of Heathrow. We took soldiers with us as escorts, then had an interesting encounter with Victor Rothschild that ended up being resolved peacefully.

From there, we flew to Hutchinson with a refueling stop, then to Palm Springs to start watching Jennifer play golf. I had to go up to Stanford to take some pre-admission tests, then pissed off my women by making decisions for them without consulting them. My defense is that I’m young, I didn’t know any better, and while it seemed like they jumped all over me, it was done out of love on their part. We went back to Palm Springs, where I got to watch Jennifer win, and talked about making a movie with Kirk Douglas.

We went to another golf tournament, that Jennifer won as well. Helen performed a wedding for two people from Australia there, and I got to threaten a couple of reporters that had big mouths.

Beth, Eve, Dora, and I started classes after we’d had a discussion on how smart I should be. I talked to the head of the Biochemistry department about genetic engineering. I got some lab space and help, and created a pill to force shedding of the uterine lining that we got to test on chimpanzees and prove that it worked for the head of the FDA.

As the MFA, I did a few more things to help spread my message, such as cleaning the government of Panama. Then we met a Sports Illustrated photographer at another golf tournament. She took pictures of all of us for their swimsuit edition, which ended up having to be reprinted three times! It kept selling out.

I started working on a heat resistant formula, met Coach Elway and everything was going to be great for football. At a party to welcome our new security, a nurse I’d helped accused one of the assistant coaches of rape. I did genetic analysis in much less time than anyone else could have done, then applied my justice to him when the evidence showed he’d done it. At the same party, we found out that one of the scientists at the NASA lab at Moffett field was Sophia’s niece, so she’s related to Dora.

We met Clint Eastwood at another golf tournament, then we flew to Hawaii for a brief vacation and to watch Jennifer in yet another golf tournament. I used the powers of the shivalingam to tune-up Elroy, Earl, and Gloria. Margie’s dad had served in Korea with an Admiral at Pearl, so we were all greeted by him. They set things up for us to tour Pearl Harbor, where I met Prince Akihito from Japan and his wife. Arizona and the Punchbowl were just like the Wall and the Cenotaph, only since I was me, I had to show the military brass something to account for what happened to me.

Then I got busy, both as me and as the MFA. During a trip to Intel, we ran into the three men running Apple. By the time that visit was done, Steve Wozniak was working for me, Steve Jobs didn’t know what to do, and John Scully was ready to sue us. Then as the MFA I went to New York and told the UN Secretary General that he was heartless in his treatment of others. Then I proved it to him, by pulling it out of his chest and showing it to him. The UN building became a new site for SCUBA divers off the coast, and the two police officers I’d taken for a ride became the trustees for billions of dollars of funds and land. We also told ALL of the New York crime bosses to either help them, or leave them alone, but to not cross them, or their entire families would go away – permanently.

Since we had a clue that the CIA had literally made or created someone, we went looking and found her. A fourteen year old girl, she was hidden in an emergency room when the lab she’d been made, born, and raised in was destroyed. Through assorted shenanigans, Mike Douglas ended up adopting her as his daughter, which was fine since he’d been one of the donors that they used to help make her in the first place.

We did get to find out that flying jet fighters is cool. We had also gone and visited a rather famous science fiction author, and I’d given he and his wife a tune-up as well. They came up to visit and Ginny Heinlein gave us a new use for Ice-X. Jennifer went to Coral Springs, Florida, to play in a tournament there. Cristian Bauman decided to threaten to assassinate her in an attempt to get me to give him my shivalingam. That backfired on him, as there was a third assassin that wasn’t his. I invited him up for a meet and greet.

He showed up with soldiers and a nuclear warhead in the cargo bay of his plane in case I was unreasonable. The welcoming committee was me, the US Vice-President, way too many important ministers from other countries around the world, and Cardinal Gantin from the Vatican. Carrie, Holly, and Cally demonstrated that they had some of the same skills that I did, because they were also Guardians of the planet. That was about all it took, and everyone gave us the shivalingam they had. There were some that were part of the British Crown Jewels, and those jewelry items were destroyed getting them out. That upset the representative of the Crown that had brought them, but not as much as finding out the Queen considered her to be expendable.

That upset Princess Diana, and she fell victim to my charms. While there was much negotiation, the Queen finally relented on granting the divorce and in giving Diana sole custody of the children after I destroyed Prince Phillip’s cane – while he was in Buckingham Palace, and I was in California.

We took our final exams for the quarter. As the MFA, I went to South Africa and stopped a massacre, which didn’t prevent the South African government from killing hundreds of blacks later on anyway. I found an actual planetary defense control unit on Mount Uhuru, one of the peaks of Kilimanjaro, near Kenya and Tanzania. We went to the Oscars as Marcia’s guests, and stirred things up there. With the news of the massacre, I used that to have the MFA leave Earth. The result of that is that Reagan, Gorbachev, and Peng decided to give Walter Mondale a new job as Governor of Earth and Acting President of the Federation of Terran Nations.


Exciting stuff, huh? Now for a bit about Book Four

We proved Stanford’s faith in us wasn’t misguided, with me getting two Doctorates, one Master’s, and twelve Bachelor’s. Dora and Margie also earned Doctorates, too. NASA found out we knew a bit, too, by our team’s invention of Resist Heat. It effectively meant the Space Shuttle would be perfectly safe from heat in landing. As no good deed goes unpunished, when the new Federation of Terran Nations met for the first time, they appointed me as the Spatial Defense Minister, in charge of protecting the whole planet.

Many of the governments of countries in Africa weren’t happy with the Federation, not being the wealth distribution scheme from the rich nations to their corrupt nations. But they didn’t get much (any) choice in the matter, and basically got told to pound sand. Oh, and to not deal drugs, or they would find themselves out of a job. Most of them didn’t listen, of course, so the Federation military was going to busy for a while.

To use the phrase, the fix was also in. Helen and Diana were also made Federation leaders. So was Cris Bauman, and Hannah’s uncle Robert was put in charge of the Federation treasury. And Earl was put in charge of Federation law.

When that was all done, we went to Augusta and watched Jennifer win the Masters, which was later followed by an appearance on ‘The Tonight Show.’

Our new 747s were delivered, and I found out some of the ‘surplus’ military gear we were being given by various nations included a lot of stuff. Enough that I owned the fourth largest military in the world, and that included aircraft carriers!

Diana’s divorce became official, with her retaining sole custody of William and Harry, and with them remaining in the British line of succession, and I didn’t even have to kill Charles. Threaten him, of course.

Shiva hadn’t been passive this whole time, either. He’d planted a time bomb for people who had the power to use the shivalingam. If I hadn’t not needed to use them, it could’ve been very bad. But I managed to save my wives, and also told Hugo how to save his wives. That ended up with us meeting face to face and finding out about his history. And becoming friends, too, with me giving him the part of the Africa that wasn’t already a member of the Federation to get rid of the corrupt governments.

As Spatial Defense Minister, I got to go to Florida for a shuttle launch and found there was a problem with the solid rocket boosters. I made the decision to still launch the shuttle, since it’d been coated with Resist Heat, but the rest of the fleet was grounded until the booster rocket issue was fixed.

One thing about our meeting Hugo none of us expected was how he, Cris, and I all looked like brothers, or how three of Hugo’s women, the three ladies that were with Cris, looked like Beth, Dora and Eve.

We went home to Hutchinson in time for Emily to give birth to her and Harry’s daughter, Elaine, and someone planned things so I got to give the high school commencement speech that evening as well. Then we got to see all of the changes to Hutchinson, with the new construction. Beth and I met some old friends that had moved to town and now had their own business and girlfriends. I also got to find out what a drive-in theater was.

When we got back to California, I came up with the idea to use some of the excess military equipment we had to form the CEDEM Emergency Response Teams, to help with both natural disasters around the world and help with the mess from when Shiva showed up. We also found a bit more about the abilities the shivalingam have.

I flew to Machu Picchu and found another control unit from when the colonists first arrived here a quarter million years ago. He agreed to help us against Shiva, too. I was just briefing everyone on what I’d found when Margie’s water broke, and we had to go to the hospital for the birth of Robert Elroy Lewis.

The family came out from Kansas and Alaska for the advancement ceremony at Menlo for the kids, and for our degree ceremony. We did some exploring, too, to see if we could find more control units and weapons. We did find a weapon, and tested it, nearly causing major trouble because of the energy release.

After the actual degree presentation was over – with me getting two more Doctorates – we flew to Nepal to see what was in Machapuchare. Turns out Shiva had created an ersatz AI out of control units, and it was insane. While I destroyed it, it blew the top four thousand feet off the mountain in return. This caused a huge earthquake in Nepal that killed hundreds, and destroyed thousands of buildings. We helped with the rescue operations, and instead of being upset, the King of Nepal sent his son with us to learn at Menlo. He also gave me a regiment of Gurkha troops.

We were hailed as returning heroes when we landed at Moffett Field, and greeted by a lot of politicians that didn’t like us, but had no choice. The next day we were debriefed about what we’d seen and done. I was bothered a lot by the death and destruction, and felt guilty about it. Mike helped me pull my head out of my ass on that. My Indian wives are ever more convinced after they see some pictures of what I’ve done that I’m the living avatar of a god, but disagree about which one.

I went to Moffett Field to talk to our flight crews about them getting married if they wanted to, under the laws of my Kingdom. There were several immediate agreements to that proposal. My new Gurkha troops were exercising, so I decided that since they needed to know how good I was, I’d run with them. I beat all of them while carrying John Ely on my back. The one runner that came closest to me was named Khalfani, which shook me. Then I met his wives, who are named Bavana, Dalia, and Lindana. Welcome to the Kenyan connection!

Okay, so I was a little off in thinking of just Kenya, and about Khalfani’s mother. She was just a bit older than I figured – by about ten thousand years. She’d been on the ship with Lara, Dala, and Madalain as the slightly retarded girlfriend of Zarathen (aka Shiva). She’d been an expert on the shivalingam, which is why she was brought along with them. Once her usefulness to him was done, she was discarded and held prisoner. She escaped from Machapuchare after several thousand years as a prisoner, then pretended to be a Goddess herself for a while – Lady Sati. After that, she wandered the world, but also came up with her own plan to confront Shiva.

We had a party the next day, combining three celebrations – Diana’s and Robert Heinlein’s birthdays, and the Fourth of July. Helen also performed several same sex weddings for the members of my team. There ended up being a lot of drinking, and with ambassadors from several different countries bringing their own nation’s products, things got a little out of hand. The live artillery rounds we fired towards Fremont on the other side of the bay didn’t quite get there, but we blew the shit out of the Cargill salt flats. Apparently our party irritated the Santa Clara Sheriff, so they arrested some of our guests that left the party. We had to go retrieve them, and someone else would need to become Sheriff. I did have to disappoint my Gurkhas, though, in not allowing them to kill everyone else in the building.

After that, I had a talk with Nyota and Khalfani. We created an accident where a body went through the turbine of a 747 to explain Nyota’s death. Then, since we had to do something with Nyota, and we’d learned she knew how to do body sculpt – using the shivalingam to modify her body – I had her change her appearance. Which threw Mike for a loop, since she was now the twin of Karen, his deceased wife.

We had to fly to Geneva for a conference, which is where I told Hugo that he was the father of Khalfani, and I also got permission from Walter to make official my giving Africa to Hugo. I also met with Reagan and had him give me unlimited access to Area 51. There was a meeting with all the space committees from around the world, and I fired the ESA second-in-command.

Mike received the Medal of Honor he should’ve gotten from his service in Vietnam. He had problems because of his actual physical attraction to Karen, which I helped him with. When we got home, we’d been invaded by everyone from Hollywood helping with ‘Schindler’s List.’ After some talking, I cured Jill Ireland’s breast cancer. The next day, some Russian mobsters tried to break into my lab. They didn’t succeed, but I did get to let the Gurkhas out to play in wiping out all of that crime family.

Apparently while we were in Switzerland, someone broke into a bunch of California State Maximum Security Prisons and killed nearly everyone on death row, including Charlie Manson. The police questioned me about it, but since I was in Geneva, they had to let it drop. We finally got to schedule our trip to Area 51, but we’d have to fly from McCarran on a JANET flight, so we went to Las Vegas the day before.

I decided I’d like to play some poker, and after a conversation with the Nevada Gaming Commission, was allowed a single dispensation. Beth and Dora played other games while I was giving poker lessons to Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, and Stu Ungar. Then I gave them a job of setting up a new family friendly resort hotel casino and theme park, owned by CEDEM, in Vegas.

I did some explaining to Mike the next morning that I’d modified Karen both genetically and psychologically so she thought she was Karen. Then I discovered she was pregnant already. The airplane crew that took us to Area 51 was nice, and told us how things were there. That way I only had to threaten the Commanding General once when we got there, for him to understand reality. Of course, even I was shocked to find water lorquats being studied. I also found out that while we were gone, Marcia and Jennifer had our babies.

Football practice started that Monday. Midway through the day, they found out I hadn’t had my physical or been fitted for my uniforms. After that is when Sayel told me one of my wives – Niranjana – was his sister-in-law. He told me that because his wife decided to move here. At the end of the week, the Stanford team ended up working with some kids from local schools. Holly was part of that since she was on summer vacation, still. I also got to meet John Elway, too.

The blacks in South Africa, with Hugo’s help, overthrew the white government that weekend and brought an end to apartheid, just to complete the changes there that I’d started when I was the MFA.

We finally got a chance to go with Daniel Running Bear up to visit the Yakima Confederation of Tribes. None of us were expecting to find the remains of an alien spaceship under Mount Adams, or that the control unit was still active. Her name was Pahto. We dug her out, and also convinced the Yakima to join my Kingdom. That would allow me to deal with the Hanford Nuclear Site. The Bureau of Indian Affairs guy was quite reasonable, unlike in Adak. Hanford went over almost as smoothly.

When we got home, we found that Pahto had a lot of technical information in her memory banks. She also knew why humans had been seeded around the galaxy. We were food animals for another race. And finding out that Neanderthal man had also been a space faring race, and competition with the people from Star Home for Earth didn’t help matters, either.

The drug manufacturers got together with us, because ‘No-Regrets’ had an interesting side-effect. It seemed that the version made by Eli Lilly cured diabetes. There was going to be a lot research put into that.

I had an interesting and disturbing discussion with Pahto and Mycroft regarding Shiva and his capabilities. We figured out he had a body sculpt device on his ship, and also knew all about Nyota’s plans.

I turned seventeen. I was given a Rolex watch and taught how to ride my motorcycle. It was a little different from a grav bike. My Gurkhas threw a surprise party for me and presented me with a khukuri as their worthy leader. I really was surprised, and touched, by their devotion to me.

I continued with football practice, getting to learn my teammate’s skills and how they thought. I had several talks with the other three quarterbacks about it.

In the meantime, Carrie and the rest of the kids wanted to go visit Alaska. Karen went with them, too. Chuck had been injured in Nepal and hadn’t met either Nyota or Karen, so he was upset and threatened to quit. Apparently this wasn’t the first time he’d done so over his years with Mike. I had the Knight brothers come out from Kansas to help build portable robotic bodies for Mycroft and Pahto.

We had to deal with an issue where someone had taken a bribe or two to screw with the football team in general, and me specifically, regarding education. We’d also figured out that it might be possible for the material from my ship and the one the water lorquats came in to be used to help defeat Shiva. My three youngest melted some of it and made it into a dart, for testing. While it could hurt them – and easily penetrate a normal human – it barely dented my skin. Due to the shared mental connection my wives have, they all felt the pain from the testing of the dart. That caused them all to argue, quite loudly, and I snapped at them. Apparently, that was the trigger I needed to be able to mentally converse with them.

We had a discussion with Robert and Ginny Heinlein, and now Ginny helps in our lab. On another subject, we realized some of the people on the gas mining platforms around the gas giants orbiting Corvala might still be alive. Then that hope was dashed when I figured out how much time really had passed. The Sacred Souls contacted Helen and told her to get the big stones I’d been planning on putting in and always put off in and do it now! Apparently there were several billion souls coming to Earth from Star Home.

While we’d let the ‘Angels from Above’ make some minor appearances, a major emergency over Japan, with a 747 that had a structural failure but was still airborne, gave them a lot of publicity. It also caused an issue with Beth, because she felt like the ‘Angels’ were her group. They decided to go to Kansas for a summer vacation. Then Jennifer chewed Beth’s ass, and then agreed the three of them needed a break.

The Cardinal had our first press conference, and I had my first encounter with someone who wasn’t favorably inclined towards us. However, we also some reporters who did know about us, and more especially, about my title. After the conference, and some on-field practice they got to watch, I took three of the reporters home for lunch. We ended up doing a separate interview.

Everyone had come home from Alaska, and I found out the Sacred Souls had actually found ‘Karen’ in the rings she and Mike were wearing, then merged her with the Karen I’d created. They also removed her limitations that I’d put on her. They even fixed Cally so genetically, she’s Mike’s and Karen’s daughter.

Our football practice the next day was interrupted by a visit from Presidents Mondale and Reagan. I had to give them a bit of a demonstration of my abilities, just to help relieve the stress they were under regarding Shiva. Once that was done, they came to the stadium and met the team.

The next day, there was a meeting between the team, the Athletics Director, and the NCAA that took the place of our practice. Apparently, the interviews I’d given had played nationally about there not being an NCAA Football Championship game. And President Reagan had mentioned it as well earlier in the day. So, there will be one, starting this year. In an unprecedented move, Coach gave us two weeks off from practice. Not so much because we didn’t need it – we didn’t – but to also screw with every other team. I spent some of that time playing with the kids and my wives.

But every vacation has something special happen, and this one had a major special event. Sayel’s wife, Jasmine, and their children showed up at our house. From the talks I’d had with him, I wondered why she was scary. Once I talked to her, I found out why.

That weekend, Helen gave birth to our daughter, Ivory. Later in the week, Leonard and Beverly came up with all the paperwork Karen needed to return to life, and some kittens. Since I was afraid of Beverly and Jasmine meeting and actually destroying the world, I went with Mike, Karen, and Cally to Nebraska. It was time for her to let her parents know she was alive again.

After returning from Nebraska – and meeting Warren Buffet as well – we had a meeting with Andrew Grove and Gordon Moore of Intel. They got to meet Mycroft and Pahto in the metal flesh. We ended up owning ten percent of Intel and AMD by the end of the day, as our price for letting them have access to the future of computer technology.

I met with General Shuren from China and Hideo Tamotsu from Japan, to discuss Tokamak and smaller reactors, while the ‘Angels’ were out looking for Nessie and other water monsters. It turns out Nessie is simply a really big water lorquat, and Irhaal is the reason they’re all over the planet. She’d brought some with her ten thousand years ago.

Hannah ended up going into labor then. Her grandparents flew over in time to be present when our son was born. Jasmine went through the paperwork Victor brought with him, to transfer the Rothschild fortune to him. She thoroughly destroyed the solicitors he brought with him with her skills, making me more than happy to put her in charge of our legal team.

My younger wives and I had a discussion about responsibilities, and ended up going to see a movie. No one can say ‘Teen Wolf’ was deep, but for the four of us, it had a lot of meaning.

We had our first game against San Jose State. There were a couple of people in the stadium that were there to see their grandchildren; Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip. Elizabeth also realized that Diana wasn’t the same dizzy blonde she’d picked out to have the heirs to the throne, and apologized to her for the way she’d been treated in the past. I only played the first quarter, since San Jose State basically sucked, and sat with Wayne Walker from KPIX the rest of the game, explaining things. Since our game was being broadcast both nationally and internationally, we only had a live audience of around seven hundred million people.

Our regular routine of the week was shattered on Thursday by a massive earthquake in Mexico. Both Saryu and Mina activated the CERT units for the Americas, and headed out to take charge of operations. I had never realized how difficult it would be to see them go do something like this without me until it happened, or how proud of I could be of my wives.

We headed up to Eugene, Oregon, to play the Ducks. We came up with a stupid idea to piss them off, based upon the new Nintendo game, ‘Duck Hunt.’ The referee had to take notice of it, and at Coach Elway’s suggestion, disqualified and ejected him. Coach knew that we could call our own plays, so he just let us have fun with it, and to prove a point to the AP and Coach’s Poll that we really were that good. After we beat them and got back to Stanford, the NCAA representative was waiting for us to let us know they officially weren’t happy and to not pull this kind of stunt again.

Robert Heinlein supervised the launch of Columbia and the comet watching payload that had been put onboard. He called me with some interesting news. Somehow, Halley’s Comet had changed directions slightly. That meant it was now on a collision course with Earth.


And that’s the end of the prologue. Exciting, huh? Yeah, I’m a dork, but like Beth says, I’m their dork.

Cal Lewis

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