Chapter 2

The thrilling, pathetic tone in which these words were uttered affected me not a little; and when the ceremony was over I continued staring vacantly at the speaker, ignorant of the fact that the beautiful young girl had her wide-open, startled eyes fixed on the bush which, I vainly imagined, concealed me from view.

All at once she cried out: “Oh, father, look there! Who is that strange-looking man watching us from behind the bushes?”

They all turned, and then I felt that fourteen or fifteen pairs of very keen eyes were on me, seeing me very plainly indeed, for in my curiosity and excitement I had come out from the thicker bushes to place myself behind a ragged, almost leafless shrub, which afforded the merest apology for a shelter. Putting a bold face on the matter, although I did not feel very easy, I came out and advanced to them, removing my battered old hat on the way, and bowing repeatedly to the assembled company. My courteous salutation was not returned; but all, with increasing astonishment pictured on their faces, continued staring at me as if they were looking on some grotesque apparition. Thinking it best to give an account of myself at once, and to apologize for intruding on their mysteries, I addressed myself to the old man:

“I really beg your pardon,” I said, “for having disturbed you at such an inconvenient time, and while you are engaged in these--these solemn rites; but I assure you, sir, it has been quite accidental. I happened to be walking here when I saw you coming, and thought it best to step out of the way until--well, until the funeral was over. The fact is, I met with a serious accident in the mountains over there. I fell down into a ravine, and a great heap of earth and stones fell on and stunned me, and I do not know how long I lay there before I recovered my senses. I daresay I am trespassing, but I am a perfect stranger here, and quite lost, and--and perhaps a little confused after my fall, and perhaps you will kindly tell me where to go to get some refreshment, and find out where I am.”

“Your story is a very strange one,” said the old man in reply, after a pause of considerable duration. “That you are a perfect stranger in this place is evident from your appearance, your uncouth dress, and your thick speech.”

His words made me blush hotly, although I should not have minded his very personal remarks much if that beautiful girl had not been standing there listening to everything. My uncouth garments, by the way, were made by a fashionable West End tailor, and fitted me perfectly, although just now they were, of course, very dirty. It was also a surprise to hear that I had a thick speech, since I had always been considered a remarkably clear speaker and good singer, and had frequently both sung and recited in public, at amateur entertainments.

After a distressing interval of silence, during which they all continued regarding me with unabated curiosity, the old gentleman condescended to address me again and asked me my name and country.

“My country,” said I, with the natural pride of a Briton, “is England, and my name is Smith.”

“No such country is known to me,” he returned; “nor have I ever heard such a name as yours.”

I was rather taken aback at his words, and yet did not just then by any means realize their full import. I was thinking only about my name; for without having penetrated into any perfectly savage country, I had been about the world a great deal for a young man, visiting the Colonies, India, Yokohama, and other distant places, and I had never yet been told that the name of Smith was an unfamiliar one.

“I hardly know what to say,” I returned, for he was evidently waiting for me to add something more to what I had stated. “It rather staggers me to hear that my name-well, you have not heard of me, of course, but there have been a great many distinguished men of the same name: Sydney Smith, for instance, and--and several others.” It mortified me just then to find that I had forgotten all the other distinguished Smiths.

He shook his head, and continued watching my face.

“Not heard of them!” I exclaimed. “Well, I suppose you have heard of some of my great countrymen: Beaconsfield, Gladstone, Darwin, Burne-Jones, Ruskin, Queen Victoria, Tennyson, George Eliot, Herbert Spencer, General Gordon, Lord Randolph Churchill--”

As he continued to shake his head after each name I at length paused.

“Who are all these people you have named?” he asked.

“They are all great and illustrious men and women who have a world-wide reputation,” I answered.

“And are there no more of them--have you told me the names of all the great people you have ever known or heard of?” he said, with a curious smile.

“No, indeed,” I answered, nettled at his words and manner. “It would take me until to-morrow to name all the great men I have ever heard of. I suppose you have heard the names of Napoleon, Wellington, Nelson, Dante, Luther, Calvin, Bismarck, Voltaire?”

He still shook his head.

“Well, then,” I continued, “Homer, Socrates, Alexander the Great, Confucius, Zoroaster, Plato, Shakespeare.” Then, growing thoroughly desperate, I added in a burst: “Noah, Moses, Columbus, Hannibal, Adam and Eve!”

“I am quite sure that I have never heard of any of these names,” he answered, still with that curious smile. “Nevertheless I can understand your surprise. It sometimes happens that the mind, owing an an imperfect adjustment of its faculties, resembles the uneducated vision in its method of judgment, regarding the things which are near as great and important, and those further away as less important, according to their distance. In such a case the individuals one hears about or associates with, come to be looked upon as the great and illustrious beings of the world, and all men in all places are expected to be familiar with their names. But come, my children, our sorrowful task is over, let us now return to the house. Come with us, Smith, and you shall have the refreshment you require.”

I was, of course, pleased with the invitation, but did not relish being addressed as “Smith,” like some mere laborer or other common person tramping about the country.

The long disconcerting scrutiny I had been subjected to had naturally made me very uncomfortable, and caused me to drop a little behind the others as we walked towards the house. The old man, however, still kept at my side; but whether from motives of courtesy, or because he wished to badger me a little more about my uncouth appearance and defective intellect, I was not sure. I was not anxious to continue the conversation, which had not proved very satisfactory; moreover, the beautiful girl I have already mentioned so frequently, was now walking just before me, hand in hand with the young man who had raised her from the ground. I was absorbed in admiration of her graceful figure, and--shall I be forgiven for mentioning such a detail?--her exquisitely rounded legs under her brief and beautiful garments. To my mind the garment was quite long enough. Every time I spoke, for my companion still maintained the conversation and I was obliged to reply, she hung back a little to catch my words. At such times she would also turn her pretty head partially round so as to see me: then her glances, beginning at my face, would wander down to my legs, and her lips would twitch and curl a little, seeming to express disgust and amusement at the same time. I was beginning to hate my legs, or rather my trousers, for I considered that under them I had as good a pair of calves as any man in the company.

Presently I thought of something to say, something very simple, which my dignified old friend would be able to answer without intimating that he considered me a wild man of the woods or an escaped lunatic.

“Can you tell me,” I said pleasantly, “what is the name of your nearest town or city? how far it is from this place, and how I can get there?”

At this question, or series of questions, the young girl turned quite round, and, waiting until I was even with her, she continued her walk at my side, although still holding her companion’s hand.

The old man looked at me with a grave smile--that smile was fast becoming intolerable--and said: “Are you so fond of honey, Smith? You shall have as much as you require without disturbing the bees. They are now taking advantage of this second spring to lay by a sufficient provision before winter sets in.”

After pondering some time over these enigmatical words, I said: “I daresay we are at cross purposes again. I mean,” I added hurriedly, seeing the inquiring look on his face, “that we do not exactly understand each other, for the subject of honey was not in my thoughts.”

“What, then, do you mean by a city?” he asked.

“What do I mean? Why, a city, I take it, is nothing more than a collection or congeries of houses--hundreds and thousands, or hundreds of thousands of houses, all built close together, where one can live very comfortably for years without seeing a blade of grass.”

“I am afraid,” he returned, “that the accident you met with in the mountains must have caused some injury to your brain; for I cannot in any other way account for these strange fantasies.”

“Do you mean seriously to tell me, sir, that you have never even heard of the existence of a city, where millions of human beings live crowded together in a small space? Of course I mean a small space comparatively; for in some cities you might walk all day without getting into the fields; and a city like that might be compared to a beehive so large that a bee might fly in a straight line all day without getting out of it.”

It struck me the moment I finished speaking that this comparison was not quite right somehow; but he did not ask me to explain: he had evidently ceased to pay any attention to what I said. The girl looked at me with an expression of pity, not to say contempt, and I felt at the same time ashamed and vexed. This served to rouse a kind of dogged spirit in me, and I returned to the subject once more.

“Surely,” I said, “you have heard of such cities as Paris, Vienna, Rome, Athens, Babylon, Jerusalem?”

He only shook his head, and walked on in silence.

“And London! London is the capital of England. Why,” I exclaimed, beginning to see light, and wondering at myself for not having seen it sooner, “you are at present talking to me in the English language.”

“I fail to understand your meaning, and am even inclined to doubt that you have any,” said he, a little ruffled. “I am addressing you in the language of human beings--that is all.”

“Well, it seems awfully puzzling,” said I; “but I hope you don’t think I have been indulging in--well, tarradiddles.” Then, seeing that I was making matters no clearer, I added: “I mean that I have not been telling untruths.”