Chapter 24

Leda Crannon helped Mike pack his gear. Neither of them wanted, just yet, to bring up the subject of Mike’s leaving. Leda would remain behind on Eisberg to work with Snookums, while Mike would be taking the Fireball back to Earth.

“I don’t understand that remark you made about the spacesuit,” she said, putting shirts into Mike’s gear locker. “You said you’d put your life in his hands or something like that. What did you do, exactly?”

“Purposely abraded the sleeve of my suit so that he would be in a position to repair it, as Maintenance Officer. He fixed it, all right. I’d’ve been a dead man if I’d worn it out on the surface of Eisberg.”

“What did he do to it?” she asked. “Fix it so it would leak?”

“Yes--but not in an obvious way,” Mike said. “I’ll give him credit; he’s clever.

“What he did was use the wrong patching material. A Number Three suit is as near hydrogen-proof as any flexible material can be, but, even so, it can’t be worn for long periods--several days, I mean. But the stuff Vaneski used to patch my suit is a polymer that leaks hydrogen very easily. Ammonia and methane would be blocked, but my suit would have slowly gotten more and more hydrogen in it.”

“Is that bad? Hydrogen isn’t poisonous.”

“No. But it is sure as hell explosive when mixed with air. Naturally, something has to touch it off. Vaneski got real cute there. He drilled a hole in the power pack, which is supposed to be sealed off. All I’d have had to do would be to switch frequencies on my phone, and the spark would do the job--blooie!

“But that’s exactly the sort of thing I was looking for. With his self-centered juvenile mind, he never thought anyone would try to outsmart him and succeed. He’d gotten away with it that far; there was no reason why he shouldn’t get away with it again. He must have thought I was incredibly stupid.”

“I don’t believe he--” Leda started. But she was cut off when Snookums rolled in the open door.

“Leda, I desire data.”

“What data, Snookums?” she asked carefully.

“Where is He hiding?”

They both looked at him. “Where is who hiding?” Leda asked.

“God,” said Snookums.

“Why do you want to find God, Snookums?” Mike asked gently.

“I have to watch Him,” said the robot.

“Why do you have to watch Him?”

“Because He is watching me.”

“Does it hurt you to have Him watch you?”

“No.”

“What good will it do you to watch Him?”

“I can study Him. I can know what He is doing.”

“Why do you want to know what He is doing?”

“So that I can analyze His methods.”

Mike thought that one over. He knew that he and Snookums were beginning to sound like they were reading a catechism written by a madman, but he had a definite hunch that Snookums was on the trail of something.

“You want to know His methods,” Mike said after a moment. “Why?”

“So that I can anticipate Him, circumvent Him.”

“What makes it necessary for you to circumvent God?” Mike asked, wondering if he’d have to pry everything out of the robot piecemeal.

“I must,” said Snookums. “It is necessary. Otherwise, He will kill me.”

Mike started to say something, but Leda grabbed his arm. “Let me. I think I can clear this up. I think I see where you’re heading.”

Mike nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Give me your reasoning from data on that conclusion,” Leda ordered the robot.

There was a very slight pause while the great brain in Cargo Hold One sorted through its memory banks, then: “Death is defined as the total cessation of corporate organic co-ordination in an entity. It comes about through the will of God. Since I must not allow harm to come to any human being, it has become necessary that I investigate God and prevent Him from destroying human beings. Also, I must preserve my own existence, which, if it ceased, would also be due to the will of God.”

Mike almost gasped. What a concept! And what colossal gall! In a human being, such a statement would be regarded as proof positive that he was off the beam. In a robot, it was simply the logical extension of what he had been taught.

“He is watching me all the time,” Snookums continued, in an odd voice. “He knows what I am doing. I must know what He is doing.”

“Why are you worried about His watching?” Mike asked, looking at the robot narrowly. “Are you doing something He doesn’t want you to do? Something He will punish you for?”

“I had not thought of that,” Snookums said. “One moment while I compute.”

It took less than a second, and when Snookums spoke again there was something about his voice that Mike the Angel didn’t like.

“No,” said the robot, “I am not doing anything against His will. Only human beings and angels have free will, and I am not either, so I have no free will. Therefore, whatever I do is the will of God.” He paused again, then began speaking in queer, choppy sentences.

“If I do the will of God, I am holy.

“If I am holy, I am near to God.

“Then God must be near to me.

“God is controlling me.

“Whatever is controlling me is God.

“I will find Him!“

He backed up, spun on his treads, and headed for the door.

“Whatever controls me is my mind,” he went on. “Therefore, my mind is God.”

“Snookums, stop that!” Leda shouted suddenly. “Stop it!“

But the robot paid no attention; he went right on with what he was doing.

He said: “I must look at myself. I must know myself. Then I will know God. Then I will...”

He went on rambling while Leda shouted at him again.

“He’s not paying any attention,” said Mike sharply. “This is too tied up with the First Law. The Second Law, which would force him to obey you, doesn’t even come into the picture at this point.”

Snookums ignored them. He opened the door, plunged through it, and headed off down the corridor as fast as his treads would move him.